Camping Lessons, From a Mom Who Doesn't Camp

If I were to describe myself to someone, outdoorsy probably wouldn't be one of the words I would use. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being outdoors, taking hikes and the like, but let's be honest, I love electricity. Heyo! Check it out, I can flip this switch and I have light! Unfortunately, the man I married, bless his heart, loves to camp. Looks like I have some adjusting to do...

So without further ado, I give you my list of the 8 things I learned while camping - in a tent. The first is the most important one, hence why I'm putting it in the #1 spot, the rest are in random order. Rather, the order I learned them in as the trip progressed.

1. There is a right and wrong way to get in and out of a tent. I unzip tent, step-in, take shoes off, set them on the rug. Don't do that. It's wrong - you'll bring dirt in. Instead, unzip tent, sit down inside tent with feet still outside, take shoes off, place them inside. I get it. Whatever. You try to remember all the steps while carrying a crying baby, in the rain. Stop glaring at me; it's just dirt.

2. The wilderness is no place for a baby to eat. But like I mentioned in the camping post, I couldn't just leave her at home to fend for herself. If you have to bring a baby, bring a formula fed baby. Then all you have to worry about is warming up water, in the middle of nowhere, with no electricity. Good plan... Since giving a baby cold milk is unheard of, better bring a breastfed baby, this way baby always gets warm milk. Know that you are going to have to practically take your shirt off to feed this crying child, in the middle of the night, when you are freezing under layers of blankets already. And pray you don't leak. That shit gets cold up against your body at 3 am. So does baby throw up and baby hands on your tummy. On second thought, better just leave the baby at home to fend for itself.

3. Bring an extra flashlight. And then two more extra. It's inevitable that when you need one, you're not going to be able to find any of them. We, rather, I, brought two. I took a trip to Wal-mart with all three children in tow, so the boys could pick out flashlights. And I didn't even use a cart! And survived! Of course we packed those two flashlights, but I *assumed* Perry would pack at least one more. It would figure that when I really needed one, like at 3 am, neither are to be found.  Picture this: Kiki is crying, I am looking for a flashlight, dad is snoring, and I'm becoming more frustrated without any light source. But at least I was able to find my cell phone which lead me to find a flashlight. Sorry if I woke the whole tent up in the process...

4. This brings me to diapering a baby in the wild. We cloth diaper here in the Dustin household, which leads us to my next point. Cloth or disposable diapers while camping? Both stink. Generally there are no garbage cans in the middle of nowhere, so have fun with that smell if you're using disposables. If you cloth diaper, you probably have a wet bag to put your diapers in. While it's a smart idea to put the clean diapers in a place you can find them in the dark, it's obviously not wise to put them by your head, by a window. When it rains, and leaks into the tent, those suckers are going to absorb it all. At least the tent won't get muddy from all the dirt you tracked in earlier by not not following rule #1. Hey little baby, let me change your diaper from a wet one to a slightly wet one. While we're at it, I hope you don't mind hanging out half naked while I find where the wipes are. Payback for when I have to practically take my shirt off to feed you. Oh, and sorry for the bright light in you face, it's hard to hold a flashlight in your mouth so you can see what you're doing. Changing a diaper in the dark isn't as easy as it sounds. Maybe I should have just left the baby at home?

5. Leave your husband at home. Just kidding. Don't do that. Leave his cell phone and iPad at home. If you don't leave at least his cell phone at home, which doubles as an alarm, you will hear said alarm go off while you are camping, at 6 am. And you'll have to wake him up like you normally do for him to turn it off each morning. Come on - no phones while you're camping! Unless you are the mom, then you're exempt because it falls into the category "For Emergencies Only" (see #3), not the "In case I forget to wake up" category.

6. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to be breathed on when I'm sleeping. I also hate fans. I cannot stand them blowing on my face. I don't care if I'm sweating, point that fan in a different direction. Maybe this has to do with my childhood fear of wind? With that said, this is probably a surprise to most, but I don't care for Jeep rides. Guess what happens during Jeep rides? I get the wind in my face, the whole trip. And even if we're going slow enough so there is no wind, the truck that passed us going 35 mph just threw wind AND dirt in my face. And I don't like being cold. Wind in my face + being cold = I'm getting pretty miserable, but am sucking it up.

7. Bring extra clothes, a lot of them. I confess, I packed too many clothes on this trip...for myself. Although I packed an extra set for each of my boys, I clearly should have packed a couple sets more. A couple sets were wet from playing in the water, and one set had dirt on it. How come you can wear dirt covered clothes into the tent, but not your clean soled shoes?!

And finally....

8. Camp with people who have been camping multiple times before. They will bring the things you forget. Like food and water. The rug for the shoe rule I didn't know existed. A broom to sweep the tent out because I didn't memorize the shoe rule. And other miscellaneous things you forgot, like a camper, and a toilet...