The August That Changed Everything

August was a really rough month for me. I was really hesitant to write about it, but I think that part of it really helped me to adjust to the all change that would be coming my way.

In July I volunteered at work to help cover the maternity leave of one of the girls at the front desk that would start toward the end of August. The days I volunteered to cover were Wednesdays and Thursdays, which were typically days I didn't watch the twins, but two of the three days I watched my neighbor's daughter. Leading up to the time I actually started going back to work, I was very open with both of them. I ended up working a little more than planned at the beginning of August as we struggled to find someone to cover for our weekend night auditor for a few weeks while she was recovering from a cold.

Just as August got into full swing, every sort of "normal" went out the window. On Tuesday the 9th, I received news that the night auditor we had been filling in for passed away. I was heartbroken. A little shocked, but she had health problems already so we knew it was just matter of time. But I did my fair share of mourning. I really enjoyed our chats when she'd get on shift and I'd be leaving. (This was also the same time that my month-long cold began.) I filled in for those shifts again working 11p-7a a few more times, which is draining when you're sick.

The following week, one of my dear friends' dad passed away in a tragic accident. I took this news a lot harder than I expected. I was a wreck for the entire week leading up to his funeral. I golfed in league that week with Kim just to try to get my mind off things, but even the golfers we were playing against could tell something was up. Pastor Tim was like a dad to me when I was young. While he didn't tell us the story every time there was a sleepover, I heard the story of "The Big Blue Ape" so many times. The sound effects were gold! Even though the Ape is Blue in the story, I always imagined it as Purple. He was also one of the Pastors that married Perry and I. I was sad for myself, but I was so sad for Kelsey and her kids, and her mom, and her brothers. I can't even. (This was also the same week Perry began interviewing for a job on the West Coast so I had that looming over my head too. And I'm still sick.)

Both services were held the same day, and though I would have liked to go to both, I couldn't not go to Pastor Tim's service. I needed it for myself but I also wanted to see Kelsey and just give her a hug. I rode with my mom to Spokane Thursday night and then Kile drove us all to the funeral on Friday. It was a long, emotional afternoon. After the service my dad started frantically calling Kile and I to get a hold of my mom. Then there was an unsettling feeling as my mom started calling "the office" and they wouldn't give her the "results" until she spoke with the doctor. Knowing that she just had a mammogram earlier in the week, we could only just begin to put pieces together.

When we arrived back at Kile's, I went to lay down for a nap, only to have my mom call us to the living room where she began to explain the happening of the past few days. Only hours after the funeral service, I got confirmation that yes, my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. My boss kept hoping for me that things wouldn't come in threes for me, but it did. And it didn't stop coming. I was overcome with stress and anxiety about potentially moving, and so my cold only continued...

My mom and I arrived home Saturday afternoon and then Perry flew out to do his second interview and would be gone Sunday- Wednesday. Even though I probably should have just stayed home, I volunteered to cover another audit shift Monday night and had Aunt Bobby sleep at the house while I was at work. As soon as I got home from work, I laid down on the couch to grab a hour and a half of sleep before the neighbor baby arrived. My kids love sitting on top of me, and I'm still sick, so when she arrived, I was exhausted, sick, and couldn't sit up because of my kids. After I reassured my neighbor that her daughter could stay (I had the twins coming later anyways) she scooped up her kid and stormed out, insisting she'll just take her to work today.

At the end of the week, the kids and I walked down to her house because Charlotte had been begging all week to go down and play with her friend. I saw they were out in the yard, so we wandered down. All the kids played outside for a while, as I waited for her to come out of her house so I could remind her about the following week. When she finally did come out, she avoided me, and not knowing she was mad at me, I was really confused. I eventually said something to her about how we were going out of town the following week so the days I could watch her daughter were different. And then she lit into me. I don't even know if that's the right phrase to use because she just began yelling at me, in front of all 7 kids that were there, and her husband who pulled up shortly there after, about how I was just a horrible person and there is absolutely no communication with me. I apparently left her high and dry without a babysitter when she stormed out of my house earlier in the week, even though I said she could stay, as I had been planning on it anyways. By the end of the discussion, which probably isn't the right word to describe it, I was in tears.

My world was changing around me so quickly that I had no time to adjust to any of it. Had I known she was upset with, I wouldn't have went over in the first place. I told the kids they weren't allowed to go down to their house anymore, because I didn't want to have another confrontation with her again. Hunter rode down shortly thereafter and told her that he didn't like the way she treated me. Heart of gold that little boy has!

For the next two weeks, any time I went outside, I was overcome with anxiety. My heart would start racing and my palms would get sweaty, and my legs would start feeling weak. Just by stepping outside my house, even if it was just to get in the car. It must have been knowing that she could be outside, because she can commonly be spotted at my end of the lane. She later (days later) apologized for yelling at me after I explained what was going on in my life, but I think it could have been handled differently. While my anxiety is still present when I go outside, it's not as prominent as it was. I couldn't even walk to the bus stop without becoming anxious! I take them down in the morning, but I can't seemed to go down to get them after school anymore.

Over the Labor Day weekend, Perry and I took the kids out to Seattle to see Aunt Em and Uncle Colin. It was so nice to get out of my neighborhood for a few days. On our way out there, we stayed the night in Ellensburg and in the morning I had the task of keeping the kids entertained while Perry had his final interview via the phone in the hotel parking lot. Talk about stressful! Now at the end of August, I'm worrying about moving at the same time that my mom is starting her breast cancer treatment. Seriously. Could August have been any worse?!