My Anxiety Kicked In Again.

It's nearly been a month since I've been back to my blog. At the beginning of the year, I said I really wanted to get back to blogging regularly, and I still really do! Every time I think about sitting down to write for a few minutes about some significant happenings, I get overwhelmed with what to write about, and instead jump on to Shutterfly to work on my yearbook. I've been making one every year for the past several years, and while everyone enjoys looking through them, it really bogs me down in January and February. I finally hunkered down last week and put the final touches on it - I'm eagerly awaiting it's arrival next week!

In the meantime I've been keeping busy with home projects - mainly painting. My dad gave me a seven day notice of his and my mom's arrival. It was just enough time to complete the "paint the ceiling" project that started when we moved in. While I was at it, I painted in the kitchen ceiling too. It was white, but needed a lot of love from all the cooking that had been done over the years. The last painting project I finished up before their arrival was picking a paint color and painting the dining room/transition-into-the-kitchen wall.

Picking paint colors has been a huge stressor for me. I sent myself into a little downward spiral when it came to picking colors for the living room. It was terrible. This time around I tried really hard not to over think the color, though I did spend a good chunk of time thinking about what color to make it. All of my walls were a shade of grey - brown. I love color, but went neutral and love how everything has turned out so far, but I knew I want to add a bit of personality to the mix. Keeping with the rustic feel of our home that we are trying to achieve, I was going to go with a mossy green, but somehow found myself going with more of a teal. The color I chose was called "Grey Green Teal" which on the swatched looked more green. When they mixed the paint, it looked green, when I poured it into the painting pan, it was green. However, when I started painting, it was blue. And Perry wonders why I get so much anxiety over colors...

Fast forward to yesterday - we swung by Home Depot to pick out some paint for the basement, and a few other things. After asking for my hubby's opinion on the final colors and his response being "I don't care," I was sent into a bit of an anxiety attack. My heart started racing and I started feeling sick. His response was just the "stick that broke the camel's back" after having to re-think my stairwell project and wrangling the boys in the process.

I haven't felt this way since last fall with my neighbor fiasco. I can handle feeling sick and having sweaty palms, but I absolutely hate when my heart feels like it's racing. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. The most frustrating about it all is not having my husband understand. I can't just stop feeling the way I feel, and I can't just calm down. I over think things all the time - I can't help it!

I haven't slept through the night since before I moved. While at mom's house, I chalked it up to having a child sleeping in bed with me. After the big move, I figured it was because I was just too hot at night, which might be part of it, but when I keep the room really cold... I've started taking melatonin before bed, which has helped a little, but I still toss and turn every night. Is it my anxiety? I'm not sure. I just want to sleep! I've expressed to my hubby numerous times about how I feel lazy and don't accomplish much throughout the day because I'm just so tired. 

Right now I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with all the projects going on at home. I started taking down wallpaper in my stairwell so I could get that painted before our guests arrive this week, but that was put on the back burner when I saw my hubby peeling wallpaper in the basement so he could put up trim around the windows. I know he was trying to make it easier for me when it came time to paint the basement, but that ended up with me striping a good half of the basement of wallpaper. Just as I was cleaning up the mess, he started tearing down wallpaper in the bathroom for the same reason, to make it easier for me when it came time to paint it. Now I have too many open projects and I want to do them all at once. 

One of these days I'll get up a few pictures of all the updates we've done around here. But not today. I'm going to try to complete a few of these projects in hopes of feeling less overwhelmed...One thing at time.