God Has This

As I was painting away again today, I was thinking of all the things I should and need to blog about. There's the laundry room that Perry has been working so hard on for the last several weeks/months, and then there is my bathroom/bedroom project I've been dragging out. Most recently, aside from house projects, we had HD's birthday party. How is he already 9?! I say that every year. I know. But I'm already halfway through raising him. I will not cry. I will not cry...

I've also had a lot on my mind lately. We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year, and it will be my first time hosting this holiday. Excitedly nervous. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing and going to do with work. Working the night shift has a lot of perks, but it also has a lot cons too, so I'm trying to sort through all that. I have some unresolved and resurfaced past trauma I'm trying to work through alone and it's caused a little bit of a strain on my communication and connection with Perry. HD finished up OT earlier this week so I've got insurance on the brain, as we're STILL trying to figure out if all his sessions will be covered. Talk about expensive. I've just got a lot going on in my head and then I'm tired on top of it all.

I got into my car tonight to head to work and I was thinking about how long it had been since we had been to church. Ever since I started working over night, we stopped going because by the time I got home at 7:30, I needed sleep, and 45 minutes wasn't enough to cut it. Powering through lead to me falling asleep during service and having HD elbow me with a stern reprimand so everyone could hear. There's no winning. I want to go, but work... I left for work with God on the brain. I just felt unsettled as I backed out.

I have a led foot when it comes to driving. I'll admit that. I reigned it in when I pulled out onto the main road and came to a stop light where a Sheriff was waiting for the light to change. I followed him down the road several miles and onto the interstate where he kept me going the speed limit for several exits. Had I left for work only 30 seconds sooner, I wouldn't have had to wait at the stop light and I wouldn't have been driving at a slower pace for several miles. I would have missed the whole thing.

I had a little bit of a late start getting off to work, because crawling out of bed at 10pm is so hard when there is a 7 year old snuggling next to you. It is so so hard people. Even with my late start, I was going to make it on time. I watched the clock carefully. And then it happened.

Just one mile before my exit, I witnessed a car side swipe into a semi-truck on the interstate going 75 mph. At least I think that's what happened. Maybe they both just got too close to the centerline. I don't know. My heart sank and my throat was in my stomach. Because it was dark out, I couldn't see much. The sparks from the metal on the car grinding against the metal on the truck seem to last forever and then the car was up off the ground with the passenger side lifted high. I don't believe it flipped. Somehow the car managed to stay upright after slamming back down on the payment before running off the road.

I pulled off to the shoulder immediately as I tried to avoid the glass and bits shattered all over and called 911. I wanted to jump out of my car and run to help but I had no idea what I was going to be getting myself into. By the time I got off the phone, the semi- driver, who had pulled over 100-yards down the road, was at my vehicle and rushing over to the car.

I was hesitant to cross the road to get to the car. What if the person was seriously injured? I am not trained in anything medical related and would have no idea what to do. I can't imagine I'd have fainted at the sight of blood, but there's always that possibility. I was relieved when I spotted the semi- driver and the car driver walking towards me. No blood, no gore. Just a shaken young guy. While the semi- driver went to put up his triangles, I had the young guy warm up in my car, thankful he was uninjured and my car was semi-clean. I just wanted to take him home.

If I would have left any sooner,  I would have missed it but I believe God put me there at the perfect time. No one else stopped. That young guy would have been freezing by the time the police arrived, and they only arrived as soon as they did because I called. The semi-driver was hyper-focused on getting off the road and making sure the other vehicle was okay. I have been in a horrific accident before and while I don't remember anything after hitting my head on the ceiling of the car, I was told there was a lady that sat with me for quite sometime while the ambulances were on their way. Now it was my turn to play that role.

I hope I made him feel less anxious in that moment. That everything was going to be okay. Looking back, I wish I could have done more. I wish I wasn't on my way to work so I could have just taken him to his aunt's house where he was headed. I gave him the blanket out of the back of my car after he was questioned by the officer and left standing outside to freeze. And then I hugged him. Not any of that side-hug business, but really just hugged him and held him tight. It broke my heart to hear him start crying as the adrenaline started to wear off. By that point the officer decided to take the rest of the investigation off the interstate and down to the gas station. He took my info and sent me on my way, but I just wanted to stay with young Brycen.

Often as I'm driving, I think to myself, what would I do if I witnessed an accident? Would I run to help? Keep driving? I guess I'm a moral support kind of person. But I wish I would have helped more. Called 911 as I was going to the vehicle but it was dark out and I needed my phone to be my flashlight before I navigated the dark unknown.  I wish I would have at least given my phone number to him so I could help more if he needed anything. His world was turned upside down and I just wish I could have helped more.

I can't recall any specific moments right now, but I know this wasn't the first time I had an unsettling feeling about something that later just proved God was there the whole time saying, "I've got this and I've got you." I know Thanksgiving will be fine and I'll be able to put my past back into my past. Our medical insurance will get figured out and my genetic testing in January will be fine and if it isn't, I'll still be fine because God has this worked out already.