It's the first day of summer for us now that the kids are "officially" done with school. Don't get me started on why their last day was on a Monday... Freaking snow days around here! None the less, it's summer and summer equals stress for me. Every year.
With me working again, I have Ms. Gail going to an in-home daycare, which she loves. I've spent most of the spring trying to decide what I'm going to do with HD and JP. I'm not crazy about having them gone for a good chunk of the summer, we didn't have any other feasible option unless we could shell out $400 a week for camp... They are excited about spending the summer with Grandma, Nanny, and Papa. There are a few weeks, however, that they get to hang out with mom. This week and next week are two of those weeks.
That being said, the boys have two weeks of summer camp, and their first one started today. Aside from Vacation Bible School, they haven't been to any kind of day long camp before and had no idea what to expect. I had no idea what to expect. I've been anxious just thinking about sending HD to camp with all of the sensory issues we've had with him, and now to add diabetes it. Hmph.
I've been preparing for this day for a few months now. I emailed to let the camp director know he's diabetic and received a response which said it wasn't a problem for him to come because they *usually* have nurses available. Imagine my surprise when I check in with them a couple weeks before hand and find out there isn't a nurse available to be at camp. It's a heart-sinking feeling. Just when I'm feeling good about everything, I get another curve ball.
I scrambled around getting all his gear together last night, but didn't have enough energy to get lunches packed. I was sick to my stomach all morning with anxiety but I managed get to him and JP to camp on time without any huge problems. I need to practice my "this is how to care for my child" spiel. I had several handouts to give to the camp leader that was a brief overview of what to do when he's low and what it looks like, and what to do when he's high and what that looks like. Then there's the explaining of how exercise can affect his levels as well, and how to prepare and monitor him during activities like swimming and just general running around play. There's a lot to explain and I just felt so unprepared when rattling things off.
Before I left, I gave both the boys a hug and wished them a fun day. JP looked at me and point blank said, "What if he dies?" I quickly said, "He's not going to die - you're going to help keep an eye on him." Then I left and cried the entire way home. I was managing just fine until then. My mind started jumping from scenario to scenario - what if he went low while he was swimming and drown? What if he missed feeling a low while he was playing, and collapsed on the field and no one knew what to do? I had tears rolling down my face all morning. I even made time for a little a work on the computers when I got to work until I could get myself together.
I kept my phone on me should the camp leader need to reach me. She called several times. She first called at 10:30 because when they checked his blood sugars after playing all morning, he was over 300. HD dove into his snacks that were supposed to be saved for this afternoon at the pool... I received a few calls at lunch time. And then my heart sank again when she called that afternoon while they were at the pool because his METER WASN'T WORKING. In the time we were speaking on the phone, he managed to go through 15 stinkin' test strips trying to get it to work. THIS IS WHY I HAVE ANXIETY.
He stopped my heart again when I went to pick him up and he wasn't playing in the gym or on the playground. I'm sure I had panic written all over my face. He was just hula-hooping in the second gym... My heart.
Perry has been having to work the closing shift at work this month so I don't see a lot him. I was so happy to hear he was working a normal 9-5 today because I needed a hug and to just relax. We corrected his high at dinner, gave him is bedtime insulin and just as bedtime comes around, he's low. While at the store last week, I bought a tube of glucose tabs for him to try, so he tried them out for his low and we sent him to bed. Perry went in to check on him 20 minutes or so later, and his meter now read HI 600+ and now I'm panicking thinking I gave him too many tabs. Fortunately, it was a false high because *someone* didn't wash his hands before testing... Phew.
I am happy to report that despite his hesitation to go to camp, HD had a lot of fun and is excited to go back tomorrow. JP however was pretty disappointed his brother wasn't in any of his groups. He wasn't happy when I said he had to go back a few more times this week...
Today was a hard day emotionally. I never know when the reality of his life-threatening disease is going to hit me. It comes in waves. Some days, like today, it hits me like a hurricane, other days it's just a blip on the radar. But it sucks regardless. Diabetes sucks.
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