Sunday, November 19, 2017

God Has This

As I was painting away again today, I was thinking of all the things I should and need to blog about. There's the laundry room that Perry has been working so hard on for the last several weeks/months, and then there is my bathroom/bedroom project I've been dragging out. Most recently, aside from house projects, we had HD's birthday party. How is he already 9?! I say that every year. I know. But I'm already halfway through raising him. I will not cry. I will not cry...

I've also had a lot on my mind lately. We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house this year, and it will be my first time hosting this holiday. Excitedly nervous. I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing and going to do with work. Working the night shift has a lot of perks, but it also has a lot cons too, so I'm trying to sort through all that. I have some unresolved and resurfaced past trauma I'm trying to work through alone and it's caused a little bit of a strain on my communication and connection with Perry. HD finished up OT earlier this week so I've got insurance on the brain, as we're STILL trying to figure out if all his sessions will be covered. Talk about expensive. I've just got a lot going on in my head and then I'm tired on top of it all.

I got into my car tonight to head to work and I was thinking about how long it had been since we had been to church. Ever since I started working over night, we stopped going because by the time I got home at 7:30, I needed sleep, and 45 minutes wasn't enough to cut it. Powering through lead to me falling asleep during service and having HD elbow me with a stern reprimand so everyone could hear. There's no winning. I want to go, but work... I left for work with God on the brain. I just felt unsettled as I backed out.

I have a led foot when it comes to driving. I'll admit that. I reigned it in when I pulled out onto the main road and came to a stop light where a Sheriff was waiting for the light to change. I followed him down the road several miles and onto the interstate where he kept me going the speed limit for several exits. Had I left for work only 30 seconds sooner, I wouldn't have had to wait at the stop light and I wouldn't have been driving at a slower pace for several miles. I would have missed the whole thing.

I had a little bit of a late start getting off to work, because crawling out of bed at 10pm is so hard when there is a 7 year old snuggling next to you. It is so so hard people. Even with my late start, I was going to make it on time. I watched the clock carefully. And then it happened.

Just one mile before my exit, I witnessed a car side swipe into a semi-truck on the interstate going 75 mph. At least I think that's what happened. Maybe they both just got too close to the centerline. I don't know. My heart sank and my throat was in my stomach. Because it was dark out, I couldn't see much. The sparks from the metal on the car grinding against the metal on the truck seem to last forever and then the car was up off the ground with the passenger side lifted high. I don't believe it flipped. Somehow the car managed to stay upright after slamming back down on the payment before running off the road.

I pulled off to the shoulder immediately as I tried to avoid the glass and bits shattered all over and called 911. I wanted to jump out of my car and run to help but I had no idea what I was going to be getting myself into. By the time I got off the phone, the semi- driver, who had pulled over 100-yards down the road, was at my vehicle and rushing over to the car.

I was hesitant to cross the road to get to the car. What if the person was seriously injured? I am not trained in anything medical related and would have no idea what to do. I can't imagine I'd have fainted at the sight of blood, but there's always that possibility. I was relieved when I spotted the semi- driver and the car driver walking towards me. No blood, no gore. Just a shaken young guy. While the semi- driver went to put up his triangles, I had the young guy warm up in my car, thankful he was uninjured and my car was semi-clean. I just wanted to take him home.

If I would have left any sooner,  I would have missed it but I believe God put me there at the perfect time. No one else stopped. That young guy would have been freezing by the time the police arrived, and they only arrived as soon as they did because I called. The semi-driver was hyper-focused on getting off the road and making sure the other vehicle was okay. I have been in a horrific accident before and while I don't remember anything after hitting my head on the ceiling of the car, I was told there was a lady that sat with me for quite sometime while the ambulances were on their way. Now it was my turn to play that role.

I hope I made him feel less anxious in that moment. That everything was going to be okay. Looking back, I wish I could have done more. I wish I wasn't on my way to work so I could have just taken him to his aunt's house where he was headed. I gave him the blanket out of the back of my car after he was questioned by the officer and left standing outside to freeze. And then I hugged him. Not any of that side-hug business, but really just hugged him and held him tight. It broke my heart to hear him start crying as the adrenaline started to wear off. By that point the officer decided to take the rest of the investigation off the interstate and down to the gas station. He took my info and sent me on my way, but I just wanted to stay with young Brycen.

Often as I'm driving, I think to myself, what would I do if I witnessed an accident? Would I run to help? Keep driving? I guess I'm a moral support kind of person. But I wish I would have helped more. Called 911 as I was going to the vehicle but it was dark out and I needed my phone to be my flashlight before I navigated the dark unknown.  I wish I would have at least given my phone number to him so I could help more if he needed anything. His world was turned upside down and I just wish I could have helped more.

I can't recall any specific moments right now, but I know this wasn't the first time I had an unsettling feeling about something that later just proved God was there the whole time saying, "I've got this and I've got you." I know Thanksgiving will be fine and I'll be able to put my past back into my past. Our medical insurance will get figured out and my genetic testing in January will be fine and if it isn't, I'll still be fine because God has this worked out already.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Autumn Festivities

I always dread Halloween. For one, I don't like masked people. Mascots are a huge no for me, so naturally, Halloween is not a favorite of mine. Secondly, I don't like having to stress about what the kids are going to dress up as.

This year however, Halloween has come and went without much stress to be had. Miss Gail didn't care what she was going to be, and ended up dressing up as something different at every opportunity she had. HD was the easy one. He wanted to be a StormTrooper. There was no amount of convincing him otherwise. Because I wasn't buying a costume or putting together a costume for Miss Gail, I felt I could justify buying him his beloved StormTrooper costume.

JP on the other hand, came with a problem we might never know what caused. He was all in to be a cop and utilize HD's costume from last year. When it came time to put it on, there were so many tears. From what I gathered, he could see his chest when he put the top on, not realizing he had to wear clothes under his costume. I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to get him to put a shirt on under it, to no avail. When we eventually managed to leave the house for our first event, he reluctantly wore his dark blue cop pants, a long sleeved black shirt, and HD's batman mask from a couple years back. Of course the rest of the batman costume was no where to be found. He wonders why I wanted him to try his costume on a few days prior...

When we did make it out of the house to go to the school's Trunk or Treat, I had two very eager, but calm children and one not-so-happy batman. We weren't planning on going to the event, but the kids realized half an hour before it started there was going to be candy there. By the time we actually got to the school, there was only half an hour left, and most of the candy had been given out already. Regardless, they acted like they had never been trick-or-treating before. When we walked up to the parking lot, I literally had to push them up to the first car. Nerves anyone?
Things to note about this picture: This is Miss Gail's back-up princess dress. We got the first one soaking wet while do facials that afternoon. Her shirt is on backwards, but she insists it isn't. We would have been smiling but we had just seen Moana and the boys told her it wasn't the real one. She wanted to meet her but I heard her speaking Spanish, so I'm not sure how that interaction would have went. HD is convinced Storm Troopers never take their helmets off. Even to eat.

 The next morning HD, Miss Gail, and I walked down to the preschool for their Autumn Party. I love how Miss Gail walked around holding up her pant legs! JP stayed home because "I don't need more candy." I think he was still grumbling from the night before.
 We couldn't have had a more perfect day last Saturday. It was gorgeous out! HD wore his mask for most of the walk, and walked just like a Storm Trooper.
 We were one of the first ones to arrive, and again, their nerves were through the roof. The gym had about 10 games set-up and they wanted nothing to do with them. They would have rather I let them stand in the middle of the gym than play any of the games. I did manage to drag them around the gym to try out all the games before heading outside to the bouncey house and other activities.
 I think their favorite game was the cake walk. They would walk around on number while music played and stop on a number when the music stopped playing. If your number was drawn, you'd get a prize from the dessert table. Miss Gail chose a plate of cookies and cupcakes, where as HD chose a large piece of carrot cake. "It's my choice mom."
I love autumn so much. I love how leaves can bring so much joy! And just look at all the colors! Such a beautiful walk home!
 Finally we made it to Halloween where we had a Storm Trooper, a fully dressed and happy Batman, and his sidekick Robin. Batman insisted he get a picture with just his sidekick. He is so sweet to her. I love the relationship they have. Melts my heart!
When it was go-time, the kids sprinted across the street to Al's house. They stood outside for a little bit while my sister and I watched Al sprint through the house to the kitchen to get candy. After going next door to the other neighbor's home, Miss Gail declared, "This is the best day ever!" We made the loop, finishing at "the scary house" before returning home to empty their buckets. On our way up the drive to the house, Robin and I turned around to see a gingerbread man walking creepily up the road towards us. I have no idea where it came from but I wanted nothing to do with it so I shooed the kids up to the door. Once they knocked, the ladies on the other side started scratching at the door. All three kids were frozen. And then the ghost behind them started to play and swooped down toward them. I'm sure they were ready to turn around. After the fact they decided it was the best house ever! 
 Perry had just got back from work as we dumped out our buckets so he came out with us as we walked down to a few more houses before calling it a night around 7:30, afterall I had to get to bed so I could get a little rest before work.
The one thing I enjoy about working the night shift is the extra snuggles I get from my kids. Usually 2 of the 4 nights I go to bed around 6, I have a child join me around 7:30. In this case, it was my little princess-ninja-turtle-Robin who curled up into bed with me. I recall rolling over away from her, only to have her attempt to be the big spoon, as she draped her arm over me. I never want to her grow up!