As our time in Missoula was coming to an end, we were able to squeeze HD in for a neurological evaluation, as recommended by his OT, so we could have a better picture of what problems HD was facing. A year ago I was presented with that opportunity and I passed on it, but this time around, though I was still hesitant, I proceeded with the process. More forms and more questionnaires. It seemed endless.
His neuro exam took two weeks to do. The first week was a parent plus child meeting. More questions - how does he sleep? Talk to me about school. Tell me about home. During the duration of our meeting, she was observing him, often asking him questions too. I think it's also notable that having eye contact is a huge struggle for him, and he clearly showed that during his observation. (At home when he's re-telling stories, or being spoken to, he cannot keep eye contact. At all.) The following week was a series of "games" for HD to complete. The session took about three hours to complete so it was something where I dropped him off, went to work, and picked him up later. The following week, his neuro doctor went over the results with just myself present.
I should have taped the audio of our discussion. I'm kicking myself for not. It was clear to the doctor that HD does have Executive Function delays. To sum it up, he recommended to continue with OT because we are seeing significant gains with his emotional regulation. He also confirmed that while he does present a lot of symptoms consistent with ADHD, he doesn't feel there are enough to say, yes, he does have it. (That will continue to be monitored though.) A lot of what he said was spot on though. While we would have the option for trying medications, we both felt we should try modifying his diet first. (That's a topic for its own post!)
His doctor explained to me how HD's brain was processing memories and it completely makes sense. Think of your brain as a file cabinet. Some people are able to sort through their memories and file them accordingly - like by topic for instance - so when it comes time to recall them, they are easily found. HD on the other hand, is not really able to do that yet. Instead, everything is stuffed at the front of the cabinet. Recalling things that just happened are easy because they can easily be found at front, after maybe moving a few pieces of paper. Things that happened a while ago are harder to recall because he's digging through a random "stack of papers" to find it. It was very obvious when that theory was applied to his everyday life. Take math for example. They will work for weeks on end on a particular way to, say, add numbers and he finally understands it. But then weeks later when it's time to apply it, he's completely stumped on how to get the problem done. As a parent, helping him with homework is beyond frustrating because I know he knows how to do it.
Sleep is another hard topic too. As I mentioned before, we have struggled with bedtime for YEARS. After I was done fighting naps to happen, bed time was at 7:00pm. By the time 7pm rolled around, JP was ready and Ms. Gail just fell into that routine too. HD was ready for bed at that time too, but he struggled with falling asleep. When he was finally asleep, he would sleep for a good 11 hours. In fact we had a 7:00 bedtime up until we moved. HD needed that extra hour or so to get his body ready for sleep. It didn't matter what time bedtime was, it always took an extra hour, at least, to get him calmed down enough for sleep. Because of that, his neurologist recommended we try giving him a little bit of melatonin about half an hour before bedtime. BEDTIME WAS A BREEZE for the rest of the time we were in Missoula. Five minutes - ten minutes and he was OUT. Did I mention he was often sharing a room with JP + Ms. Gail + me? I wanted to shout in excitement! Bedtime overall has been much better in the last several months, even though I stopped giving him melatonin on a regular basis. Now I only use it when I can tell bedtime is going to be rough. Sometimes he'll even ask for it after trying to sleep for hour and is still awake.
Towards the end of our meeting, we touched on his social life. He's never really had a group of friends to play with - he usually just plays with everyone. In our discussion, and those vent sessions with Robin, it was made clear that he doesn't have the skill set yet to be able to build and maintain relationships. Often times on the playground, he'll play with kids but isn't able to pick up on their social cues that they've moved on to play something else. He's left playing by himself and he doesn't realize it.
Both HD and I were sad to have to move just as we were becoming accustomed to our new schedules and the changes we had implemented into our lives. I was nervous to start over again. Building trust is huge for OT's and their patients and it did take HD a little while to build that trust in Missoula, so to start over again was going to require a lot from HD. Moving and starting over can be really hard on kids, but I think overall he's adjusted as well as expected.
Showing posts with label Executive Functions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Executive Functions. Show all posts
Monday, July 31, 2017
Thursday, June 29, 2017
HD: The Start of Our OT Journey
If you look at HD and watch him for a while he looks like a normal kid. That's because he is a normal kid - his brain just processes things differently than a typical kid's brain. He is so so so smart too but he often can't show it on paper. Ultimately I want him to have friends and I don't want him to struggle with school. But reality is often not what we want it to be. When it was first suggested that HD could benefit from a little bit of occupational therapy, I didn't even know what occupational therapy meant. What do they even do at occupational therapy and how could he benefit from it? I'm not even close to the right person to answer those questions, so I'll just give you my view of it.
What is occupational therapy?
The best way it's been described to me, it was posed as a question. "What matters to you?" is the question being asked by therapists, not "What's the matter with you?" In our case, engaging in good social behavior (you know, stop pushing and shoving when you're excited and such) was one thing that mattered to us. Occupational therapist are there to help with those problem areas by giving them tools to use to build skills to help them with everyday life. While I've only had experience with pediatric OT's, they aren't limited to just helping children succeed - they are able to help people of any age.
I don't openly tell people that my son goes to therapy, but occasionally it comes up in conversation. I'm not ashamed of the fact that he goes, but I personally have had a negative connotations when I heard the word "therapy" and I can't help but to believe I'm not the only one with those same feelings. More so, I always feel the need to explain why he's going after people give me the "he looks normal" look. Again, he is normal, and I don't want him treated like he's not normal. We're just trying to develop some of his skills that are a little bit behind what is typical for his age.
What did OT look like for HD when we first started?
I was really nervous going to our evaluation appointment. I had brought all the forms and questionnaires I was asked to fill out. As our OT looked through them, HD busied himself with Legos and Ms. Gail played quietly with the kitchen set in the corner of the room. HD was calm and collected as the evaluation began. Honestly, this was the ONE TIME I didn't want him to be. I wanted his OT to see what I was dealing with. It was a bit frustrating for me.
What the therapist did see, that I overlooked though, occurred while HD was building Legos. There was a small bin of pieces and a stack of cards for him to look at and then build what he saw. He built the designs for quite a while until it got too hard and he quickly gave up. Now that it was pointed out to me, it was very obvious that when posed with a challenge, he quickly gives up and wants nothing more to do with it. This is very common with his school work too, which in turn causes a strain on his academics.
After pushing the Legos aside, he went over to check out the kitchen with his sister and immediately grabbed something from her without asking for it - and he was mean about it. That behavior is very common with him. He struggles a lot with aggression. It often starts by grabbing things without asking, and then leads to pushing, hitting, or kicking when he doesn't get his way with his siblings. JP had quickly learned to defend himself, and as they get older, their fighting tends to get so much worse. One of my concerns for the therapist was HD's aggression. I didn't want to bring Ms. Gail with me to the evaluation appointment because I knew that it would inevitably lead to problems, but in this instance, I'm slightly happy it did. Just earlier in the year at the end of 1st grade, HD was suspended from school for choking two students on the playground and later kneeing one in the crotch. I needed help with his aggression.
Because we didn't have a lot of time left before we moved, we weren't able to work on a lot. In the short amount of time that we did have though, HD made significant progress. I sat in on several sessions with him and his OT so I could have a better understanding as to what they were doing, and what he was learning. Because aggression was a significant concern for us, our therapist opted to work on developing his awareness for his emotions first. To do that we watched and discussed "The Emotional ABC's." We watched about 10 minutes of the movie each week and then talked more about what each feeling looked like in his life. I was surprised as to how hard he often struggled to name feelings and emotions. No wonder he's had problems expressing himself!
To help with his emotional impulses, we started using the "Pause, Rewind, Play" toolbar to have him start thinking about his actions. For example, say JP throws something across the room and hits him with it. Before he reacts, he needs to pause and breathe. Then he needs to think and name the feeling he's feeling as he rewinds, and think about the correct way to respond. Did it hurt? Is he mad? Was JP mad when he threw it? Then he needs to "play" and react appropriately to the problem. What ways could he respond? Throw it back at him? Hit him? Use his words? It's a big process for him to go through in a matter of seconds. At home while he was still learning the steps, I explained to him that if he was ever in a situation where he didn't know what to do, to yell " PAUSE!!" and I would come running to help him go through the steps together. If he was able to successfully call for help and react appropriately, he'd get a little prize from me. It could be as a little as an M&M but it worked. Don't get me wrong, there were still times when it didn't work. It wasn't fool proof, but it was part of the learning process.
As each session would begin, HD and his therapist would come up with a visual plan for their meeting. Using a dry erase board, together they would draw out pictures to describe what they were going to do, and for how long, while using a timer to keep them on task. (He didn't even know he was working on time management & awareness.) Even though HD didn't necessarily want to watch the Emotional ABC's video, knowing that time in the gym would happen later made watching the video more tolerable for him.
To give him credit, the gym was pretty sweet though. There was a small ball pit, a rope swing, a zip line, and a matted area at the bottom of a rock wall, to name a few things. I don't know if HD had a favorite because he loved them all. He especially loved the zip line though. At the end of it, he would let go and crash into the ball pit.
He also enjoyed taking a scooter down a ramp. Crashing through a tower of blocks and then hitting the padded wall at the end was often a highlight for him. He loves crashing into things and throwing himself on the ground. I didn't understand it, but he loved it.
Perry has been leary about occupational therapy for HD. By the time HD started his sessions, Perry was already living in Portland so he wasn't able to see first hand what HD was doing. Ask HD what he did at therapy and he'll tell you he played the whole time. But that's what OT's do - they do work through play. Playing IS work for kids after all! I can see his hesitations though.
What is occupational therapy?
The best way it's been described to me, it was posed as a question. "What matters to you?" is the question being asked by therapists, not "What's the matter with you?" In our case, engaging in good social behavior (you know, stop pushing and shoving when you're excited and such) was one thing that mattered to us. Occupational therapist are there to help with those problem areas by giving them tools to use to build skills to help them with everyday life. While I've only had experience with pediatric OT's, they aren't limited to just helping children succeed - they are able to help people of any age.
I don't openly tell people that my son goes to therapy, but occasionally it comes up in conversation. I'm not ashamed of the fact that he goes, but I personally have had a negative connotations when I heard the word "therapy" and I can't help but to believe I'm not the only one with those same feelings. More so, I always feel the need to explain why he's going after people give me the "he looks normal" look. Again, he is normal, and I don't want him treated like he's not normal. We're just trying to develop some of his skills that are a little bit behind what is typical for his age.
What did OT look like for HD when we first started?
I was really nervous going to our evaluation appointment. I had brought all the forms and questionnaires I was asked to fill out. As our OT looked through them, HD busied himself with Legos and Ms. Gail played quietly with the kitchen set in the corner of the room. HD was calm and collected as the evaluation began. Honestly, this was the ONE TIME I didn't want him to be. I wanted his OT to see what I was dealing with. It was a bit frustrating for me.
What the therapist did see, that I overlooked though, occurred while HD was building Legos. There was a small bin of pieces and a stack of cards for him to look at and then build what he saw. He built the designs for quite a while until it got too hard and he quickly gave up. Now that it was pointed out to me, it was very obvious that when posed with a challenge, he quickly gives up and wants nothing more to do with it. This is very common with his school work too, which in turn causes a strain on his academics.
After pushing the Legos aside, he went over to check out the kitchen with his sister and immediately grabbed something from her without asking for it - and he was mean about it. That behavior is very common with him. He struggles a lot with aggression. It often starts by grabbing things without asking, and then leads to pushing, hitting, or kicking when he doesn't get his way with his siblings. JP had quickly learned to defend himself, and as they get older, their fighting tends to get so much worse. One of my concerns for the therapist was HD's aggression. I didn't want to bring Ms. Gail with me to the evaluation appointment because I knew that it would inevitably lead to problems, but in this instance, I'm slightly happy it did. Just earlier in the year at the end of 1st grade, HD was suspended from school for choking two students on the playground and later kneeing one in the crotch. I needed help with his aggression.
Because we didn't have a lot of time left before we moved, we weren't able to work on a lot. In the short amount of time that we did have though, HD made significant progress. I sat in on several sessions with him and his OT so I could have a better understanding as to what they were doing, and what he was learning. Because aggression was a significant concern for us, our therapist opted to work on developing his awareness for his emotions first. To do that we watched and discussed "The Emotional ABC's." We watched about 10 minutes of the movie each week and then talked more about what each feeling looked like in his life. I was surprised as to how hard he often struggled to name feelings and emotions. No wonder he's had problems expressing himself!
As each session would begin, HD and his therapist would come up with a visual plan for their meeting. Using a dry erase board, together they would draw out pictures to describe what they were going to do, and for how long, while using a timer to keep them on task. (He didn't even know he was working on time management & awareness.) Even though HD didn't necessarily want to watch the Emotional ABC's video, knowing that time in the gym would happen later made watching the video more tolerable for him.
To give him credit, the gym was pretty sweet though. There was a small ball pit, a rope swing, a zip line, and a matted area at the bottom of a rock wall, to name a few things. I don't know if HD had a favorite because he loved them all. He especially loved the zip line though. At the end of it, he would let go and crash into the ball pit.
Perry has been leary about occupational therapy for HD. By the time HD started his sessions, Perry was already living in Portland so he wasn't able to see first hand what HD was doing. Ask HD what he did at therapy and he'll tell you he played the whole time. But that's what OT's do - they do work through play. Playing IS work for kids after all! I can see his hesitations though.
Monday, June 26, 2017
I Hated My Child Because I Didn't Understand Him
Those four words are the worst thing a parent can say or think about their child. I hated myself for saying them to Perry, and I hated myself for even allowing them to be thought. I loved him endlessly, but there were times when he made it really hard. I thought he was being a defiant little jerk all the time, but I was just missing the biggest part of the picture. I didn't understand him.
I had spoken with his doctor numerous time about the possibility of him having ADHD. In my head it made sense. He was always on the go. Sitting still was oh-so hard. Perry has a hard time just sitting too. He always has to be doing something or twiddling with something. The two of them are peas in a pod in that sense. HD was impulsive too. He often times had no reasoning whatsoever as to why he'd do the things he did. He was always in trouble for something - he had a tendency for breaking things. Heck, he demolish a Lego brick. How does one even do that?! We often would joke that if you were to put him in an empty room, he'd still find a way to break something. He was like a tornado in every sense of the word.
HD was also so so so distractible. Our bedtime routine was always the same - go get your jammies on and brush your teeth. Those two tasks for him were impossible to complete. We were constantly battling him because, OH LOOK! A TOY! and now he forgot what he was going to do. Even sitting down to read a book had it's own challenges because there is always something more important to look at. ADHD made sense to me.
Bedtime itself was a battle too. We moved him to a toddler bed a lot sooner than we should have so his little brain wasn't fully comprehending the whole idea of "this is my bed and I lay on it to sleep." To him, suddenly his room was a playground he could access at any moment. You would think taking all the toys out of his room would help that problem, but it didn't. He could always find something to play with. We weren't naive to thinking that switching him from a crib to a bed would be easy. We just didn't think it would be so exhausting! No amount of stories would calm him down at bedtime long enough for him fall asleep. Laying with him was useless because if he did fall asleep, he'd wake up when I got out of bed. Eventually we'd just let him fall asleep wherever he chose. Often times he would fall asleep in front of his door as he was watching us through the door/floor gap.
HD is naturally a curious kid and that's why I was terrified to move him to the basement when he and JP got a little older. We lived in a split entrance home, and to get to the basement you had to walk past the front door. I had a fear that he would wake up and go outside, now that he was old enough to figure out door handles and locks. No wonder I'm a light sleeper! My fear never actually happened, but numerous times he would wake up during the wee hours of the morning and wander around the house. (You can read about one instance here.)
As his school years began, we were faced with more challenges. I've already wrote about how frustrating his first day of kindergarten was. (If you haven't read it, and want to, HERE is the link. There's more links to other school-related stories on the tabbed page.) We learned only a few days in that he needed to work on his impulse control after he jabbed a fellow classmate in the face with scissors. He was curious to see what would happen, and at no point did his little brain register, "THIS IS A BAD IDEA." Over his three years in school, he's spent many recesses indoors because of bad behavior or refusing to do his work. He was even suspended from school in 1st grade for choking a student. It breaks my heart that at this early of an age, he already dislikes school.
HD exhibited all these things that pointed directly to ADHD. He was fidgety. Even when he was sitting, he was still moving. (He is often found picking at himself. I'm pretty sure he's had at least one scab on his body since he was at least 18 months.) I imagine that's common for a lot of kids, but he seemed to take it to another level. In fact, everything I've mentioned thus far is probably pretty common for kids and their parents to experience, but I just had a feeling something about him was just not "right". Naturally I was so discouraged when I continually expressed my concerns to his doctor, and she continually reassured me he was just a boy. I had another boy, and I could tell in retrospect, HD's behaviors were not typical behaviors of a boy, even if the kids were, what she deemed "salt and pepper" kids. We had our own set of struggles with JP, but it was nothing near what we were facing with HD.
So if it wasn't ADHD what was it? I felt like I googled everything I could think of and everything pointed me right back to ADHD. That's when Robin stepped in and said, "I think he has executive functioning delays." But what did that mean?!
From what I've learned so far, executive function is a set of skills that helps you plan, control emotions, manage time, get tasks done, etc. Basically, it's the control board for your whole brain. The thing with having executive function delays, is that it often looks a lot like ADHD. No kidding, right? When HD would get mad and act out aggressively (which frankly happened a lot, poor JP) it was because he didn't know how to express his feelings and frustrations. When we sent him to get his jammies and teeth brush, his distractibility was due to his executive functions not being fully developed for his age.
One thing that had really become to concern me was his memory. He struggled desperately to re-tell stories of his life. Each night at the dinner table, we talk about our day and what we did. It was frustrating that he couldn't remember things out of the ordinary, like getting ice cream, or going to the park. Often times we would all be talking, and out of no where he would start talking about something completely off topic, and Perry and I would just look at each other with a "where did that come from?" look about us. Turns out, his brain was struggling to organize his thoughts, stuff that his executive functioning skills are in charge of.
I filled out what seemed like questionnaire after questionnaire when we first began OT and all answers pointed to executive functioning delays. Finally, after YEARS of knowing something was "wrong" with him, I finally had something to work with in October of 2016, on the brink of turning 8 years old. With HD's executive functioning skills not being as fully developed as his peers, it makes school a lot harder for him - socially and educationally. Knowing that this is part of the problem, is just the beginning of how we're learning to help him succeed.
I had spoken with his doctor numerous time about the possibility of him having ADHD. In my head it made sense. He was always on the go. Sitting still was oh-so hard. Perry has a hard time just sitting too. He always has to be doing something or twiddling with something. The two of them are peas in a pod in that sense. HD was impulsive too. He often times had no reasoning whatsoever as to why he'd do the things he did. He was always in trouble for something - he had a tendency for breaking things. Heck, he demolish a Lego brick. How does one even do that?! We often would joke that if you were to put him in an empty room, he'd still find a way to break something. He was like a tornado in every sense of the word.
HD was also so so so distractible. Our bedtime routine was always the same - go get your jammies on and brush your teeth. Those two tasks for him were impossible to complete. We were constantly battling him because, OH LOOK! A TOY! and now he forgot what he was going to do. Even sitting down to read a book had it's own challenges because there is always something more important to look at. ADHD made sense to me.
Bedtime itself was a battle too. We moved him to a toddler bed a lot sooner than we should have so his little brain wasn't fully comprehending the whole idea of "this is my bed and I lay on it to sleep." To him, suddenly his room was a playground he could access at any moment. You would think taking all the toys out of his room would help that problem, but it didn't. He could always find something to play with. We weren't naive to thinking that switching him from a crib to a bed would be easy. We just didn't think it would be so exhausting! No amount of stories would calm him down at bedtime long enough for him fall asleep. Laying with him was useless because if he did fall asleep, he'd wake up when I got out of bed. Eventually we'd just let him fall asleep wherever he chose. Often times he would fall asleep in front of his door as he was watching us through the door/floor gap.
HD is naturally a curious kid and that's why I was terrified to move him to the basement when he and JP got a little older. We lived in a split entrance home, and to get to the basement you had to walk past the front door. I had a fear that he would wake up and go outside, now that he was old enough to figure out door handles and locks. No wonder I'm a light sleeper! My fear never actually happened, but numerous times he would wake up during the wee hours of the morning and wander around the house. (You can read about one instance here.)
As his school years began, we were faced with more challenges. I've already wrote about how frustrating his first day of kindergarten was. (If you haven't read it, and want to, HERE is the link. There's more links to other school-related stories on the tabbed page.) We learned only a few days in that he needed to work on his impulse control after he jabbed a fellow classmate in the face with scissors. He was curious to see what would happen, and at no point did his little brain register, "THIS IS A BAD IDEA." Over his three years in school, he's spent many recesses indoors because of bad behavior or refusing to do his work. He was even suspended from school in 1st grade for choking a student. It breaks my heart that at this early of an age, he already dislikes school.
HD exhibited all these things that pointed directly to ADHD. He was fidgety. Even when he was sitting, he was still moving. (He is often found picking at himself. I'm pretty sure he's had at least one scab on his body since he was at least 18 months.) I imagine that's common for a lot of kids, but he seemed to take it to another level. In fact, everything I've mentioned thus far is probably pretty common for kids and their parents to experience, but I just had a feeling something about him was just not "right". Naturally I was so discouraged when I continually expressed my concerns to his doctor, and she continually reassured me he was just a boy. I had another boy, and I could tell in retrospect, HD's behaviors were not typical behaviors of a boy, even if the kids were, what she deemed "salt and pepper" kids. We had our own set of struggles with JP, but it was nothing near what we were facing with HD.
So if it wasn't ADHD what was it? I felt like I googled everything I could think of and everything pointed me right back to ADHD. That's when Robin stepped in and said, "I think he has executive functioning delays." But what did that mean?!
From what I've learned so far, executive function is a set of skills that helps you plan, control emotions, manage time, get tasks done, etc. Basically, it's the control board for your whole brain. The thing with having executive function delays, is that it often looks a lot like ADHD. No kidding, right? When HD would get mad and act out aggressively (which frankly happened a lot, poor JP) it was because he didn't know how to express his feelings and frustrations. When we sent him to get his jammies and teeth brush, his distractibility was due to his executive functions not being fully developed for his age.
One thing that had really become to concern me was his memory. He struggled desperately to re-tell stories of his life. Each night at the dinner table, we talk about our day and what we did. It was frustrating that he couldn't remember things out of the ordinary, like getting ice cream, or going to the park. Often times we would all be talking, and out of no where he would start talking about something completely off topic, and Perry and I would just look at each other with a "where did that come from?" look about us. Turns out, his brain was struggling to organize his thoughts, stuff that his executive functioning skills are in charge of.
I filled out what seemed like questionnaire after questionnaire when we first began OT and all answers pointed to executive functioning delays. Finally, after YEARS of knowing something was "wrong" with him, I finally had something to work with in October of 2016, on the brink of turning 8 years old. With HD's executive functioning skills not being as fully developed as his peers, it makes school a lot harder for him - socially and educationally. Knowing that this is part of the problem, is just the beginning of how we're learning to help him succeed.
Thursday, June 22, 2017
HD: A Struggle to Find Help
HD has always been a very active kid. He's been known as our wild child and watching him as a young kid, you could clearly see why. He kept us on our toes to say the least. He was impulsive. Always doing things before thinking them through. Granted some of that is just kids being kids, but he never seemed to learn right from wrong.
There were so many things I wanted to do with my kids when they were younger, but I just couldn't. I've always had this fear of losing HD. Even now when he's excited about something, he tends to run off, but especially when they were younger, it was difficult task just to go to the grocery store. For example, I wanted to take them to the library, but I knew there was no way I could wrangle two busy boys to take on that task. When they were almost to the point where I might be able to take them, Ms. Gail was born and all bets were off again. I wanted to take them to the outdoor waterpark many times, but never felt comfortable enough going alone.
Facebook is notorious for making me feel like my life doesn't measure up to others. It was frustrating to see people taking their kids to the pool, going on vacations, or hiking trips. Things that seem so possible and ordinary, like grocery shopping or even going to the park, were really hard for me, not because I had three children in tow most of the time, but because I had one child who was always struggling with listening to directions and following rules.
I first started questioning his pediatrician as to whether or not he had ADHD when he was about 3 years old. Sitting still was a hard thing for him to do, and with pre-school on the horizon, I was nervous. (Don't even get me started on potty training!) He had a hard time following rules ever since he started crawling. He frequently bounced from activity to activity and keeping him focused was a huge task.
I remember when we moved him to a toddler bed in preparation of JP's arrival - those nights seemed to last forever. It took him years, literally, years, to learn to stay in his bed at night - even after we took away his nap. The kid was never tired and really struggled to be able to calm his body down enough to fall asleep. I remember countless nights crying because I was so frustrated with him. I think I spoke the words, "I hate my child" numerous times, for numerous reasons, and I hated myself for it.
Discipline has always been a struggle too. We seemed to have tried everything we could think of to try to teach him. Time-outs didn't work because he couldn't sit there long enough. It was such power struggle. It took so much time and energy to make the time-out chair work, that ultimately, I couldn't go on like that. Spanking him didn't work either. He might cry immediately when it would happen, but two minutes later he would forget that he had even gotten a spanking. Eventually, I felt like he was being spanked all the time, so I had to quit. We took toys aways (once I took all of them to the attic!) and we later opted for rewards for good behavior and nothing seemed to work. He'd get flicked on the head at the dinner table, or sent to time-out, or have a stern talking to, and it was so so so hard for him to not smile about it. He couldn't keep a straight face. Any time there was a question as to who did something, he would suck his cheeks in in an attempt not to smile. He really struggled to understand the difference between right and wrong, funny and not funny.
Being social with him is hard a well. Having visitors at the house always turned out bad. As soon as someone other than Perry or myself would walk through our door, he would immediately start bouncing off the walls in excitement. That would get his brother excited too and the two of them together is just plain chaos. They tend to rough house a lot when they're excited, and then inevitably JP would get hurt and things would continue downhill from there. Going places were equally as exciting. And then the pushing and shoving would begin because of the excitement... and downhill it would go. I'll get into his social life more later though...
Every year at the doctor, I continued present her with problems we were seeing with him at home, and the short answer was always, "He's a boy, he'll grow out of it." By the time he was 7, he had still not "grown out of it." Kindergarten was a struggle for us. But in 1st grade when he choked a kid at recess, I just had a gut feeling, he wasn't "just a boy" and that there was something else going on. At his 7-year check up, I presented his doctor a list of problems. It was a looong list. At this point, my sister Robin, was attending graduate school in the field of occupational therapy, and thought that HD could really benefit some OT. But you can't just go to OT, you have to have a referral. I was heartbroken and so discouraged after his appointment, when instead of getting a referral, we were recommended to get him into swimming or taekwondo because "these kind of kids" just need more structure. I don't know if discouraged is even the right word. I felt defeated. I had no idea what was causing my kid to behave the way he was.
I had just vented to my Bible study group about the struggles I was having him. I went into the appointment feeling pretty good, like I was going to start getting answers. They told me things to ask about and offered up their own advice. One suggested getting him in to see a neuropsychologist, and her husband could help with a referral, but I didn't believe what ever was wrong with him, was going to need a brain scan done to offer up solutions. I felt like that should be more of a last resort thing. I felt broken inside reporting back to them the next week that his doctor didn't think anything was wrong. So. Many. Tears.
I gave up on finding answers for him for a while. I felt stuck. I felt like a terrible parent because I had no idea how to parent him, whatsoever. Nothing was working. I'm not sure when exactly my breaking point was with HD, but at some point during the summer between 1st grade and 2nd second grade, I broke. I'm sure I called, or texted, Robin in tears about my frustrations with him, for the hundredth time. By this point, she was working in Missoula at the hospital, so she called his doctor to see if she would write a referral to OT for him. Turns out she was on vacation, the doctor on call signed off on one. Unfortunately, because Robin was working the hospital, his referral had to be sent out and then he was put on a waiting list in August. (Hearing that news was also hard to hear with the August I was having.)
Just as we got confirmation that yes, Perry did get the job in Portland, we got a call from the therapy office that they had a space open for him. Even though the therapist knew we'd only be around for another few months, we opted to get the ball rolling for OT anyways. HD was SO SO SO excited about it too!
I've been meaning to update as OT has progressed but it just hasn't happened yet. It's such a big story to explain, and I want to do it justice. Over the next, probably several weeks, (or maybe even the course of the summer) I'm planning on periodically updating my blog here and there with more insight about what exactly is going on with him, how we're handling it as parents, and the progress he's been making. The change I've seen in him over the last several months is HUGE and it's exciting but the journey to get to this point has been anything but easy.
There were so many things I wanted to do with my kids when they were younger, but I just couldn't. I've always had this fear of losing HD. Even now when he's excited about something, he tends to run off, but especially when they were younger, it was difficult task just to go to the grocery store. For example, I wanted to take them to the library, but I knew there was no way I could wrangle two busy boys to take on that task. When they were almost to the point where I might be able to take them, Ms. Gail was born and all bets were off again. I wanted to take them to the outdoor waterpark many times, but never felt comfortable enough going alone.
Facebook is notorious for making me feel like my life doesn't measure up to others. It was frustrating to see people taking their kids to the pool, going on vacations, or hiking trips. Things that seem so possible and ordinary, like grocery shopping or even going to the park, were really hard for me, not because I had three children in tow most of the time, but because I had one child who was always struggling with listening to directions and following rules.
I first started questioning his pediatrician as to whether or not he had ADHD when he was about 3 years old. Sitting still was a hard thing for him to do, and with pre-school on the horizon, I was nervous. (Don't even get me started on potty training!) He had a hard time following rules ever since he started crawling. He frequently bounced from activity to activity and keeping him focused was a huge task.
I remember when we moved him to a toddler bed in preparation of JP's arrival - those nights seemed to last forever. It took him years, literally, years, to learn to stay in his bed at night - even after we took away his nap. The kid was never tired and really struggled to be able to calm his body down enough to fall asleep. I remember countless nights crying because I was so frustrated with him. I think I spoke the words, "I hate my child" numerous times, for numerous reasons, and I hated myself for it.
Discipline has always been a struggle too. We seemed to have tried everything we could think of to try to teach him. Time-outs didn't work because he couldn't sit there long enough. It was such power struggle. It took so much time and energy to make the time-out chair work, that ultimately, I couldn't go on like that. Spanking him didn't work either. He might cry immediately when it would happen, but two minutes later he would forget that he had even gotten a spanking. Eventually, I felt like he was being spanked all the time, so I had to quit. We took toys aways (once I took all of them to the attic!) and we later opted for rewards for good behavior and nothing seemed to work. He'd get flicked on the head at the dinner table, or sent to time-out, or have a stern talking to, and it was so so so hard for him to not smile about it. He couldn't keep a straight face. Any time there was a question as to who did something, he would suck his cheeks in in an attempt not to smile. He really struggled to understand the difference between right and wrong, funny and not funny.
Being social with him is hard a well. Having visitors at the house always turned out bad. As soon as someone other than Perry or myself would walk through our door, he would immediately start bouncing off the walls in excitement. That would get his brother excited too and the two of them together is just plain chaos. They tend to rough house a lot when they're excited, and then inevitably JP would get hurt and things would continue downhill from there. Going places were equally as exciting. And then the pushing and shoving would begin because of the excitement... and downhill it would go. I'll get into his social life more later though...
Every year at the doctor, I continued present her with problems we were seeing with him at home, and the short answer was always, "He's a boy, he'll grow out of it." By the time he was 7, he had still not "grown out of it." Kindergarten was a struggle for us. But in 1st grade when he choked a kid at recess, I just had a gut feeling, he wasn't "just a boy" and that there was something else going on. At his 7-year check up, I presented his doctor a list of problems. It was a looong list. At this point, my sister Robin, was attending graduate school in the field of occupational therapy, and thought that HD could really benefit some OT. But you can't just go to OT, you have to have a referral. I was heartbroken and so discouraged after his appointment, when instead of getting a referral, we were recommended to get him into swimming or taekwondo because "these kind of kids" just need more structure. I don't know if discouraged is even the right word. I felt defeated. I had no idea what was causing my kid to behave the way he was.
I had just vented to my Bible study group about the struggles I was having him. I went into the appointment feeling pretty good, like I was going to start getting answers. They told me things to ask about and offered up their own advice. One suggested getting him in to see a neuropsychologist, and her husband could help with a referral, but I didn't believe what ever was wrong with him, was going to need a brain scan done to offer up solutions. I felt like that should be more of a last resort thing. I felt broken inside reporting back to them the next week that his doctor didn't think anything was wrong. So. Many. Tears.
I gave up on finding answers for him for a while. I felt stuck. I felt like a terrible parent because I had no idea how to parent him, whatsoever. Nothing was working. I'm not sure when exactly my breaking point was with HD, but at some point during the summer between 1st grade and 2nd second grade, I broke. I'm sure I called, or texted, Robin in tears about my frustrations with him, for the hundredth time. By this point, she was working in Missoula at the hospital, so she called his doctor to see if she would write a referral to OT for him. Turns out she was on vacation, the doctor on call signed off on one. Unfortunately, because Robin was working the hospital, his referral had to be sent out and then he was put on a waiting list in August. (Hearing that news was also hard to hear with the August I was having.)
Just as we got confirmation that yes, Perry did get the job in Portland, we got a call from the therapy office that they had a space open for him. Even though the therapist knew we'd only be around for another few months, we opted to get the ball rolling for OT anyways. HD was SO SO SO excited about it too!
I've been meaning to update as OT has progressed but it just hasn't happened yet. It's such a big story to explain, and I want to do it justice. Over the next, probably several weeks, (or maybe even the course of the summer) I'm planning on periodically updating my blog here and there with more insight about what exactly is going on with him, how we're handling it as parents, and the progress he's been making. The change I've seen in him over the last several months is HUGE and it's exciting but the journey to get to this point has been anything but easy.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Hunter: A First Grade Update
It's already the end of October and in a few short weeks, I'll have a 7 year old. Yikes! He's been planning his party for close to a year.
This school year started off pretty good. We were glad to hear Hunter's teacher this year was going to be a male. Hunter really likes him too. The first couple weeks of school Hunter insisted on wearing a tie, you know because dad wears one everyday, so I ended up making him a few. They turned out really cute too! He thinks it's just the best that his teacher wears ties too!
Last year in Kindergarten we ran into a couple problems with Hunter. The most recent one I've blogged about landed him a few weeks of counseling. As I mentioned at the end of that post, Perry and I have been wondering if he might have ADHD since he really has a hard time sitting and focusing, among other concerns. We spoke with the counselor and the school psychologist, and took a couple tests. We went over the results with his teacher and the counselor. His teacher's answers had put him in an average category, Perry's put him in an above average category, and mine were in the extreme category. I was trying to be conservative too... The only helpful thing taken from that was that they could see why we were concerned with his behavior, otherwise they had no reason to believe he has ADHD.
Fast forward to this fall....Where to begin? Robin finished up grad school in May and is working in the Occupational Therapy field. Because she's currently working in the field, she has reason to believe Hunter might have a sensory processing disorder. There is a wide range of symptoms, but she feels he'll benefit from a little bit of OT. This has been in the back of my mind for a while but I've been putting off making an appointment for him to see the doctor to get referred there. I was going to ask about it when I take him in for his 7 year well-child exam.
Plans changed a lot the other week when his teacher called me after school. He didn't see it happen, but at the lunch recess, Hunter choked a kid on the playground. Hunter had a very serious conversation with his teacher following the incident when he came in from recess and then was overly defiant the rest of day. Hunter spent the last half hour or so of the day in the principal's office. Robin and I discussed this a little bit and I decided to move his appointment up a few weeks. I then called our insurance company to see if they covered OT, which they don't. Robin suggested I check to see if the school has one. I emailed the school counselor and let her know my concerns. I was a little relieved to hear there is an OT who travels between school, but he still would need a referral.
A week and a half goes by (which was last week) and I get a call from the school principal around noon. Hunter choked another kid at recess, and since this is his second offense, he was suspended from school for the rest of the day. I was a wreck after I hung up the phone with her. Hunter and I came home and curled up together on his bed to talk. He was really struggling to remember what exactly happened leading up to him choking someone. Perry came home right as Hunter and I were finishing our talk. Hunter told him a different story so Perry called the school on his way back to work to hear the actual story. His story matched closer to the one he told me.
The school counselor called me the following day to check in. She was much more helpful than the principal was. She was going to talk with the PE teacher about getting Hunter into one of his PE groups at recess. These groups help to teach kids how to play with each other. I think his "play group" starts up this week.
By the end of last week, Hunter started his "check-in/check-out" program. He was doing this last spring and would be responsible for carrying it around all day to have his different teachers fill it out based on his behavior. At the end of the day he is scored. It's helpful to see where and what time of the day most problems are happening. Last spring Perry made a deal with him that if he could bring home 5 96% and higher in a row, he would give him a speaker for his iPod. That came and went. In his first grade classroom they have a colored clip chart. Everyday they start in the middle on green. When they make good decisions they can clip up on the chart and bad decisions clip down. At the end of the day they color their final color on their homework card to take home. We made a deal with Hunter - if he could bring home 5 positive day colors, he could have his speaker. He has gotten so close a couple times. He did it this week though! He was so proud too!
I think that's what makes his behavior so frustrating. I know he's a good kid. I just don't understand these acts of violence from him. I don't know that I should even call them violence. (We also got a letter saying he kicked someone in the groin.) When I've talked to him about his actions, he doesn't seem to understand it's hurtful to others. I'm just hoping that next week at his appointment we can get some answers. I'm probably going to be a wreck...
This school year started off pretty good. We were glad to hear Hunter's teacher this year was going to be a male. Hunter really likes him too. The first couple weeks of school Hunter insisted on wearing a tie, you know because dad wears one everyday, so I ended up making him a few. They turned out really cute too! He thinks it's just the best that his teacher wears ties too!
Last year in Kindergarten we ran into a couple problems with Hunter. The most recent one I've blogged about landed him a few weeks of counseling. As I mentioned at the end of that post, Perry and I have been wondering if he might have ADHD since he really has a hard time sitting and focusing, among other concerns. We spoke with the counselor and the school psychologist, and took a couple tests. We went over the results with his teacher and the counselor. His teacher's answers had put him in an average category, Perry's put him in an above average category, and mine were in the extreme category. I was trying to be conservative too... The only helpful thing taken from that was that they could see why we were concerned with his behavior, otherwise they had no reason to believe he has ADHD.
Fast forward to this fall....Where to begin? Robin finished up grad school in May and is working in the Occupational Therapy field. Because she's currently working in the field, she has reason to believe Hunter might have a sensory processing disorder. There is a wide range of symptoms, but she feels he'll benefit from a little bit of OT. This has been in the back of my mind for a while but I've been putting off making an appointment for him to see the doctor to get referred there. I was going to ask about it when I take him in for his 7 year well-child exam.
Plans changed a lot the other week when his teacher called me after school. He didn't see it happen, but at the lunch recess, Hunter choked a kid on the playground. Hunter had a very serious conversation with his teacher following the incident when he came in from recess and then was overly defiant the rest of day. Hunter spent the last half hour or so of the day in the principal's office. Robin and I discussed this a little bit and I decided to move his appointment up a few weeks. I then called our insurance company to see if they covered OT, which they don't. Robin suggested I check to see if the school has one. I emailed the school counselor and let her know my concerns. I was a little relieved to hear there is an OT who travels between school, but he still would need a referral.
A week and a half goes by (which was last week) and I get a call from the school principal around noon. Hunter choked another kid at recess, and since this is his second offense, he was suspended from school for the rest of the day. I was a wreck after I hung up the phone with her. Hunter and I came home and curled up together on his bed to talk. He was really struggling to remember what exactly happened leading up to him choking someone. Perry came home right as Hunter and I were finishing our talk. Hunter told him a different story so Perry called the school on his way back to work to hear the actual story. His story matched closer to the one he told me.
The school counselor called me the following day to check in. She was much more helpful than the principal was. She was going to talk with the PE teacher about getting Hunter into one of his PE groups at recess. These groups help to teach kids how to play with each other. I think his "play group" starts up this week.
By the end of last week, Hunter started his "check-in/check-out" program. He was doing this last spring and would be responsible for carrying it around all day to have his different teachers fill it out based on his behavior. At the end of the day he is scored. It's helpful to see where and what time of the day most problems are happening. Last spring Perry made a deal with him that if he could bring home 5 96% and higher in a row, he would give him a speaker for his iPod. That came and went. In his first grade classroom they have a colored clip chart. Everyday they start in the middle on green. When they make good decisions they can clip up on the chart and bad decisions clip down. At the end of the day they color their final color on their homework card to take home. We made a deal with Hunter - if he could bring home 5 positive day colors, he could have his speaker. He has gotten so close a couple times. He did it this week though! He was so proud too!
I think that's what makes his behavior so frustrating. I know he's a good kid. I just don't understand these acts of violence from him. I don't know that I should even call them violence. (We also got a letter saying he kicked someone in the groin.) When I've talked to him about his actions, he doesn't seem to understand it's hurtful to others. I'm just hoping that next week at his appointment we can get some answers. I'm probably going to be a wreck...
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Our First Week of School So Far
We're officially a week into the school year and so far it's going *fairly* smoothly. We're still trying to get back into the swing of the things but we're getting there! I am very anxious for Perry to get the lockers done that he's been working on for the last couple weekends. So far it looks great! I love when I can draw and describe something I want, and he can build it for me. Like the gate at the top of our stairs - the best idea I've had in a long time! More on the lockers, next week?, when they're done!
JP has been enjoying school so far. He knew two kids in his class from the start, so I think that helped him adjust a little - not everything was new! One of the kids he knows is my friend's daughter, and she is so stinkin' cute! (I think JP can agree too, though he won't admit it to his mom...) They don't sit at the same table, but he was sure to tell me the arrangement. "I sit at the orange table and she sits at the red table behind me. I can't see her, but I know she can see my back!" *said with a lot of emotion and googly eyes. He also asked if he could take some candy to school to give to her... Ahhh!
But not everything has been so cute with him so far. Last week he went to school in the morning and a mid-day bus brought him home around 12:30p. That length was perfect for him. It was adorable to watch him get off the bus the first day - he sat by the window and waved at me as the bus approached the stop. SO CUTE! This week though, the bus ride home has been a little hard him. On Monday he and Hunter got into a spitting fight because JP didn't want Hunter to sit with him...so Hunter spit at him and then JP spit back... They both got in trouble from the bus driver and since that made poor JP mad, he ran across the road after getting off the bus, and then got in trouble again for not waiting for the driver to signal them across. That plus mom not letting him eat his snack in the living room caused a HUGE meltdown after school. Mom is so mean...
On Tuesday he waited for the driver to signal him across the road, but he was looking on the verge of tears when he got to me. Apparently "some kids older than Hunter" were pinching him on the bus. It didn't hurt, but he didn't like it. They also tried to take his backpack and that really hurt his feelings. Perry asked Hunter to sit with him on the bus, or near him, so if it happens again, Hunter can help JP out in the situation, or more likely, so we can get more information on what is going on. I expected problems on the bus, but more so between Hunter and JP.
Hunter and I are having a couple struggles this year too. He has homework this year, and he hates it. Each night he is supposed to read for 15-20 minutes and complete his math homework that should only take about 5 minutes. He's pretty good at math, but absolutely hates reading. I think he just needs more confidence. He hates sounding out words and when he reads he just mumbles and it so frustrating because I can hardly hear what word he's saying... So that's been fun. Yesterday brought a form home explaining how each child needs a homework helper. The person he selects will be available to help the him with his math homework each time homework is sent home. The person he selected? Not mom or dad. Neighbor Dan. And when we explained that he might not be home all the time to help him, he selected neighbor Darrell, who he hardly talks to. Honestly, Dan would be a good choice for him because Hunter adores him. But I really don't think it would work out. Maybe every so often we could work something out with him though... Hunter doesn't know it yet, but I signed up to be his helper. Kind of an obvious choice. Maybe in a few years he can be Charlotte's helper?
We're also struggling to wake up in the morning. And by we, I actually mean ME. I hate getting up before 7am. I am just not a morning person! I'm really surprised we were never late for the bus last year. A couple close calls but we made it. Hopefully we can keep the streak going this year! Tomorrow should be fun waking JP up since he has soccer practice tonight...
JP has been enjoying school so far. He knew two kids in his class from the start, so I think that helped him adjust a little - not everything was new! One of the kids he knows is my friend's daughter, and she is so stinkin' cute! (I think JP can agree too, though he won't admit it to his mom...) They don't sit at the same table, but he was sure to tell me the arrangement. "I sit at the orange table and she sits at the red table behind me. I can't see her, but I know she can see my back!" *said with a lot of emotion and googly eyes. He also asked if he could take some candy to school to give to her... Ahhh!
But not everything has been so cute with him so far. Last week he went to school in the morning and a mid-day bus brought him home around 12:30p. That length was perfect for him. It was adorable to watch him get off the bus the first day - he sat by the window and waved at me as the bus approached the stop. SO CUTE! This week though, the bus ride home has been a little hard him. On Monday he and Hunter got into a spitting fight because JP didn't want Hunter to sit with him...so Hunter spit at him and then JP spit back... They both got in trouble from the bus driver and since that made poor JP mad, he ran across the road after getting off the bus, and then got in trouble again for not waiting for the driver to signal them across. That plus mom not letting him eat his snack in the living room caused a HUGE meltdown after school. Mom is so mean...
On Tuesday he waited for the driver to signal him across the road, but he was looking on the verge of tears when he got to me. Apparently "some kids older than Hunter" were pinching him on the bus. It didn't hurt, but he didn't like it. They also tried to take his backpack and that really hurt his feelings. Perry asked Hunter to sit with him on the bus, or near him, so if it happens again, Hunter can help JP out in the situation, or more likely, so we can get more information on what is going on. I expected problems on the bus, but more so between Hunter and JP.
Hunter and I are having a couple struggles this year too. He has homework this year, and he hates it. Each night he is supposed to read for 15-20 minutes and complete his math homework that should only take about 5 minutes. He's pretty good at math, but absolutely hates reading. I think he just needs more confidence. He hates sounding out words and when he reads he just mumbles and it so frustrating because I can hardly hear what word he's saying... So that's been fun. Yesterday brought a form home explaining how each child needs a homework helper. The person he selects will be available to help the him with his math homework each time homework is sent home. The person he selected? Not mom or dad. Neighbor Dan. And when we explained that he might not be home all the time to help him, he selected neighbor Darrell, who he hardly talks to. Honestly, Dan would be a good choice for him because Hunter adores him. But I really don't think it would work out. Maybe every so often we could work something out with him though... Hunter doesn't know it yet, but I signed up to be his helper. Kind of an obvious choice. Maybe in a few years he can be Charlotte's helper?
We're also struggling to wake up in the morning. And by we, I actually mean ME. I hate getting up before 7am. I am just not a morning person! I'm really surprised we were never late for the bus last year. A couple close calls but we made it. Hopefully we can keep the streak going this year! Tomorrow should be fun waking JP up since he has soccer practice tonight...
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Parent-Teacher Conferences
A few weeks ago Hunter's teacher, Perry and I took a couple tests to assess Hunter's behavior at school. We cannot get this kid to sit still and focus. In one ear and out the other.
We found out while he's at school, he for most part, behaves like other kids in his class. His teacher scored him in the average sections on each of the six sections (inattention, hyperactivity/impulsivity, learning problems, executive functioning, defiance/aggression, and peer relations.) Perry scored him in the high average & elevated range, whereas nearly all my scores for him fell into the very elevated range.
Because his scores were normal at school, it rules out the possibility of ADHD, which is a huge relief. He can keep his attention long enough at school and follows directions which had lead the psychologist to believe there is some dynamic at home that he is battling. Let's not place blame, but given that he behaves pretty normally when he's by himself, I would guess his brother has a lot to do with his defiance at home. But the same can be said the other way around. While Hunter is at school, JP is the easiest kid. As soon as Hunter gets home, they start bouncing off the walls. They have that effect on each other and it drives me nuts.
We went over his report card and he did much better than the first trimester. At the end of the first trimester, he scored a lot of "needs help" whereas this semester he had "satisfactory" scores and a handful of "very satisfactory" scores.
He's been responding very well with his check-in/check-out program at school, so his teacher and the psychologist suggested doing something similar at home to see how he performs. Hope it'll keep him on track more. He's such a smart kid- it's just trying to get him on the same page as Perry and I that's been a struggle. I asked about what's been going on that has made him hit other kids at school too - in short, he doesn't feel comfortable talking to other teachers/staff members about the issues and conflicts he's having with the other kids, so he does what he knows how to do - he hits. Although it's not a form of conflict resolution they approve of, they also know that he's still a kindergartner and doesn't know how to process everything yet. They reassured me he's not the only one. THANK GOODNESS!
Perry and I just need to work on relaxing (Ha!) and giving him more one on one time. He's expressed to his teacher it's not fair he has to go to school, and JP and Charlotte get to stay home with mom. Clearly he's feeling a little unloved, and it breaks my heart! His homework for spring break is to play outside so I plan on taking him on a few bike rides, just him and I. Maybe even dinner with mom :)
We found out while he's at school, he for most part, behaves like other kids in his class. His teacher scored him in the average sections on each of the six sections (inattention, hyperactivity/impulsivity, learning problems, executive functioning, defiance/aggression, and peer relations.) Perry scored him in the high average & elevated range, whereas nearly all my scores for him fell into the very elevated range.
Because his scores were normal at school, it rules out the possibility of ADHD, which is a huge relief. He can keep his attention long enough at school and follows directions which had lead the psychologist to believe there is some dynamic at home that he is battling. Let's not place blame, but given that he behaves pretty normally when he's by himself, I would guess his brother has a lot to do with his defiance at home. But the same can be said the other way around. While Hunter is at school, JP is the easiest kid. As soon as Hunter gets home, they start bouncing off the walls. They have that effect on each other and it drives me nuts.
We went over his report card and he did much better than the first trimester. At the end of the first trimester, he scored a lot of "needs help" whereas this semester he had "satisfactory" scores and a handful of "very satisfactory" scores.
He's been responding very well with his check-in/check-out program at school, so his teacher and the psychologist suggested doing something similar at home to see how he performs. Hope it'll keep him on track more. He's such a smart kid- it's just trying to get him on the same page as Perry and I that's been a struggle. I asked about what's been going on that has made him hit other kids at school too - in short, he doesn't feel comfortable talking to other teachers/staff members about the issues and conflicts he's having with the other kids, so he does what he knows how to do - he hits. Although it's not a form of conflict resolution they approve of, they also know that he's still a kindergartner and doesn't know how to process everything yet. They reassured me he's not the only one. THANK GOODNESS!
Perry and I just need to work on relaxing (Ha!) and giving him more one on one time. He's expressed to his teacher it's not fair he has to go to school, and JP and Charlotte get to stay home with mom. Clearly he's feeling a little unloved, and it breaks my heart! His homework for spring break is to play outside so I plan on taking him on a few bike rides, just him and I. Maybe even dinner with mom :)
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Hunter - That's Our Boy!!
I think it's pretty safe to say that this kindergarten year has been pretty rough on us. Perry and I both knew with Hunter starting kindergarten that there was going be a learning curve, but seriously...
We're now two-thirds of the way done with the school year already! It has flown by! It's amazing to see Hunter sitting at the table with us reading his books out loud. It completely blows my mind! He struggles and guesses at some of the words, but for the most part, he does pretty good! He's really good at sounding out words too to try to spell them for us. He's such a smart kid - which is why his behavior just baffles Perry and I.
Since he was maybe 3 years old, we have wondered if he might have ADHD. We've thought about getting him tested, just to ease our minds, but kept putting it off thinking, "he's just a boy." But let's be honest, we've been thinking that for about 3-4 years. He hasn't grown out of it. He bounces from activity to activity and is so easily distracted. Now it's just getting frustrating. How many times have I thought, "Calm the frick down, child!" Way too many to count...Hunter, I love you, but my house is not a gymnasium, nor is it barn.
As many of you know, we had "the scissor incident" at the beginning of the school year, followed by a phone call from his bus driver, followed by numerous visits to the office for multiple reason. I seriously lost track of how many times he's been to the office - he was throwing snowballs once, he apparently punched a kid in the face when he was showing him how he plays golf on the Wii... Wait, you did what?! "Yeah, now he has a loose tooth." Gahh! But his most recent trip broke my heart...
His class had a "Literacy Lunch" where the parents get to join their kids for lunch. I was super nervous to go because whenever I'm around, he's out of control. When I arrived and he found me in the hall, he was so helpful! He found a folding chair in the hallway and proceeded to bring it into the classroom for me to sit on at his table. As we were eating our lunch, I asked Hunter if he drew the pictures on the table. Without hesitation, the little girl next to him piped up, "Those aren't his. He didn't get to draw any pictures because he drew something naughty." OH? "He drew a picture of a GUN! And that's not good." Hunter's eyes were huge at this point. Clearly embarrassed, a bit shocked. Not long after, he teacher bent over and said, "I'm sure you heard what Hunter drew?" Yeah...I heard he drew a gun. "Well, it's not so much that he drew a gun, but that he drew it pointed at people..." At that point I seriously wanted to curl up and cry. I'm pretty sure I had tears well-up in my eyes.
After our little craft and story time, every one headed outside for recess, at which point we were welcome to head home. Hunter insisted I stay, which was fine - we played four-square at recess - but it looked more like just throw the ball to someone. It didn't last long before he ran off to go down the slide and climb on the jungle gym. Before heading inside, he was sure to point out which kid was "the scissor kid" because, you know, they're besties now. Who would have thought? I had a nice chat with his mom, and admitted how nervous I was to talk to her. (After all, my kid stabbed her kid in the face with scissors!) But luckily she was cool about it - and we just recently had not one, but TWO playdates.
Anyways, lunch was on a Wednesday, and then that Friday afternoon, I received a call from the school counselor going over what she and Hunter spoke about earlier that day - guns and where we've played with them, and rules about them, the like. Apparently in their chat, he said he used to play guns with an older kid while he was at daycare. And they used to take naps together. What he made her believe was that the older kid was a high school kid and not one year older than him. So when he said they took naps together, I envisioned a nuclear bomb going off in my head. Kids at daycares take naps together in the same room...That's what happens. No he didn't get sexually abused. End of story.
He has been attending small group counseling, which I think will be good for him. It's a group of about 5-6 other boys that meet on Fridays and the talk about sharing, and their feelings, and how to act in different situations. He enjoys it - they got to make their own rules the other week, and put them to the test by playing "Go Fish." Even though I do approve of his counselling sessions, it prompted Perry and I to visit his counselor to talk about his behavior. We've decided to take a few tests to see if we can figure out what's causing his behavior. Between all the extra energy he seems to have to being easily distracted to not remembering what we told him to do, we figured if there is something going on with him, it's better to figure it out now, than to wait until later.
Phew! This post is longer than I had anticipated! But Perry and I have both completed the BASC's tests and Conner's test and are waiting to hear back from the school psychologist. He's also started participating in the school's "Check-in/Check-out" program. Every morning he goes to the library to get his slip and throughout the day he's graded via smiley faces on how he's doing. So far he's gotten 100% on his first three days. Woo-Hoo!!
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
When a Trip to the Park Makes You Question Your Parenting
Monday [the 26th of January] was the perfect winter day for our first bike ride to the park this year. JP took a nap (with a lot of my prompting) in an attempt to have enough energy to go to the park when Hunter came home from school. Just as soon as he hopped off the bus, we gathered our stuff to get ready to go to the dinosaur park. I said we were taking our bikes, but strong-willed Hunter opted to take his new scooter. I tried to reason with him, but with no luck. Before I even had a moment to stop him, he was already half way down the road trying to catch up with JP, who was on his new Ninja Turtle bike.
From the moment we left, I knew this trip wasn't going to be as fun as I had hoped it would be. As soon as we came to our first intersection, Hunter stopped a little past the middle. I attempted to keep my bike from crashing into him, but the bike carrier with Charlotte in it took him out instead. Did I mention there was not one but two vehicles waiting for us to clear the intersection so they could turn? Now I had an injured kid sprawled out on the road, and the other one half a block ahead of us. After shouting at JP to stop and getting Hunter across the street and out of the way, we collected ourselves and continued on. (I tried to reason with Hunter that now would be a good time to go back and get his bike since his legs were getting tired. No luck.)
As I cursed the city for not having sidewalks leading up a hill to the trail, we made it across the street and up the incline to safety. Not much further down the trail, we stop again because Hunter was too tired to go any further. I loaded up his scooter (which is *much* easier than a bike) into the back of the carrier and he climbed in with Charlotte. (I can't tell you how out of shape I am! Good Lord he's heavy!)By the time we made it to the park, I was winded, to say the least.
We were the only ones there for about 10 minutes before two older boys and maybe a 3 1/2 year old girl showed up with their mom, who sat in the truck the whole time talking on the phone. We played at the park for about thirty minutes, long enough for me to rest up for the trip home, and leaving enough time to get dinner started before Perry came home. Just as we were getting ready to go, the little girl stood by the swings shouting to her mom to come help her. Eventually she did, but was still on her phone the whole time. Maybe it was an important call...? As we put our helmets on, I so desperately wanted to cry for her kids as she shouted at the top of her lungs for the whole neighborhood to hear. I don't recall what she said exactly, but standing only a foot away from one of the boys, she shouted that he needed to grow up and act his age and to stop fighting with his brother. When she was done with him, she let the other brother have her verbal lashing. Before heading back to her truck, she shouted at the little girl that she wasn't going to push her anymore on the swing because there was so many other things she could play on which didn't require her help.
I felt helpless. Appalled that someone could shout like that to their kids. I'm not a perfect mom, far from it, and I've snapped many times at home. I wanted to say something or do something for those kids to know they were okay and didn't deserve that lashing. Yes the boys had been fighting, but nothing I wouldn't expect from siblings. But I didn't say a thing - we left and I felt terrible. I made a mental note to myself not to act like that mom did - shouting and dismissing their needs because of more important things, like whoever was on the phone.
The bike ride home confirmed to me why I knew this trip wasn't going to be fun. There is a small portion of sidewalk, rather, raised pavement, that has a huge tree right next to it. It's always a pain for me to bike under it while ducking to miss the branches, but the most challenging thing for the kids is biking over the roots that have pushed the pavement upwards. It's rough on a bike, but impassable for a beginner scooter. Hunter quickly learned as he fell off a few times. I'm sure this is what set him off for the rest of the trip home. By the time we made it to the busy intersection up ahead, he insisted on crossing, whereas I insisted we were waiting for the cars to clear the intersection. I waved a few through as the four of us stood on the corner waiting to cross. I held onto my stubborn child's arm to prevent him from crossing and felt terrible for doing it. Just as I had suspected, as soon as I let his arm go, he made a quick dash to cross the street and nearly scooted into a truck who was turning the corner. If they hadn't been staring us down, they might have hit him. I had just enough time to snatch his arm back and pull him back to the sidewalk. Why oh why must you be so defiant?!
When we had the intersection to ourselves, we all crossed together and took "the shortcut" home, which is down one of the through streets in our neighbor, as opposed to going another half a block to get back on the trail. I kept calm and collected, even through the incident on the corner, as we rode home, reminding the boys to keep to the side of the road. And then I lost it. JP started veering too far off the side of the road and there was a vehicle coming up behind us. After telling him insistently to "get to the side of the road," he didn't so I snapped, and urged maybe a little too desperately, for him to get over because of the car behind us. Again I felt terrible as a mom from the house we were just about to bike pass started yelling encouragements at us like, "Good job guys!" "You're doing good!" "Keep it up!" Now I feel like that mom at the park shouting at her kids. All I could muster up to say as we passed was, "Thanks. This would be so much less stressful if we had sidewalks!" She said something about knowing what I was going through and we went on...
By this point I just wanted to get home. I was getting hangry. And then Hunter, without looking, switches sides of the road. No matter how many times I asked him he would come back over and bike with us, well scooter I guess... I had enough. I got off my bike, and told him that if he couldn't listen to the road rules, he was going to have to walk home. And he did just that. Maybe I'm trying to control him more than I should, but I feel like at his age, he should know what is/isn't acceptable. I still biked with him as he walked, and JP knew enough that when he was far enough ahead he had to stop and wait.
We made it home and I put Hunter's scooter in the garage for timeout. Just as Hunter was walking up the drive, he spotted his friend at the end of the cul de sac playing and ran over there to play. By that point I was just thinking, "whatever. I need a break." But then that moment came when I walked over there to tell him it was time to go. I hate being embarrassed, but this kid wouldn't even look at me. Here I am trying to get him to come home as a group of the neighbor dads watched me like a hawk. I ended up having to set Charlotte down, pick up Hunter and bring him to his bike, retrieve Charlotte, return Hunter to his bike, locate his helmet, remind Hunter to go home... I walked out of their driveway like a failure.
Why must I fight with this kid *so much*?! When it comes to Hunter I feel like I'm failing him as a parent. I've been that mom at the park (not screaming though) and I feel terrible about it. We've sat together in his room and cried with each other because we're both so lost. He has a hard time controlling himself and listening to direction, and I have a hard time keeping my shit together all the time, when he's constantly acting out. Helpless is a horrible feeling!
From the moment we left, I knew this trip wasn't going to be as fun as I had hoped it would be. As soon as we came to our first intersection, Hunter stopped a little past the middle. I attempted to keep my bike from crashing into him, but the bike carrier with Charlotte in it took him out instead. Did I mention there was not one but two vehicles waiting for us to clear the intersection so they could turn? Now I had an injured kid sprawled out on the road, and the other one half a block ahead of us. After shouting at JP to stop and getting Hunter across the street and out of the way, we collected ourselves and continued on. (I tried to reason with Hunter that now would be a good time to go back and get his bike since his legs were getting tired. No luck.)
I felt helpless. Appalled that someone could shout like that to their kids. I'm not a perfect mom, far from it, and I've snapped many times at home. I wanted to say something or do something for those kids to know they were okay and didn't deserve that lashing. Yes the boys had been fighting, but nothing I wouldn't expect from siblings. But I didn't say a thing - we left and I felt terrible. I made a mental note to myself not to act like that mom did - shouting and dismissing their needs because of more important things, like whoever was on the phone.
The bike ride home confirmed to me why I knew this trip wasn't going to be fun. There is a small portion of sidewalk, rather, raised pavement, that has a huge tree right next to it. It's always a pain for me to bike under it while ducking to miss the branches, but the most challenging thing for the kids is biking over the roots that have pushed the pavement upwards. It's rough on a bike, but impassable for a beginner scooter. Hunter quickly learned as he fell off a few times. I'm sure this is what set him off for the rest of the trip home. By the time we made it to the busy intersection up ahead, he insisted on crossing, whereas I insisted we were waiting for the cars to clear the intersection. I waved a few through as the four of us stood on the corner waiting to cross. I held onto my stubborn child's arm to prevent him from crossing and felt terrible for doing it. Just as I had suspected, as soon as I let his arm go, he made a quick dash to cross the street and nearly scooted into a truck who was turning the corner. If they hadn't been staring us down, they might have hit him. I had just enough time to snatch his arm back and pull him back to the sidewalk. Why oh why must you be so defiant?!
When we had the intersection to ourselves, we all crossed together and took "the shortcut" home, which is down one of the through streets in our neighbor, as opposed to going another half a block to get back on the trail. I kept calm and collected, even through the incident on the corner, as we rode home, reminding the boys to keep to the side of the road. And then I lost it. JP started veering too far off the side of the road and there was a vehicle coming up behind us. After telling him insistently to "get to the side of the road," he didn't so I snapped, and urged maybe a little too desperately, for him to get over because of the car behind us. Again I felt terrible as a mom from the house we were just about to bike pass started yelling encouragements at us like, "Good job guys!" "You're doing good!" "Keep it up!" Now I feel like that mom at the park shouting at her kids. All I could muster up to say as we passed was, "Thanks. This would be so much less stressful if we had sidewalks!" She said something about knowing what I was going through and we went on...
By this point I just wanted to get home. I was getting hangry. And then Hunter, without looking, switches sides of the road. No matter how many times I asked him he would come back over and bike with us, well scooter I guess... I had enough. I got off my bike, and told him that if he couldn't listen to the road rules, he was going to have to walk home. And he did just that. Maybe I'm trying to control him more than I should, but I feel like at his age, he should know what is/isn't acceptable. I still biked with him as he walked, and JP knew enough that when he was far enough ahead he had to stop and wait.
We made it home and I put Hunter's scooter in the garage for timeout. Just as Hunter was walking up the drive, he spotted his friend at the end of the cul de sac playing and ran over there to play. By that point I was just thinking, "whatever. I need a break." But then that moment came when I walked over there to tell him it was time to go. I hate being embarrassed, but this kid wouldn't even look at me. Here I am trying to get him to come home as a group of the neighbor dads watched me like a hawk. I ended up having to set Charlotte down, pick up Hunter and bring him to his bike, retrieve Charlotte, return Hunter to his bike, locate his helmet, remind Hunter to go home... I walked out of their driveway like a failure.
Why must I fight with this kid *so much*?! When it comes to Hunter I feel like I'm failing him as a parent. I've been that mom at the park (not screaming though) and I feel terrible about it. We've sat together in his room and cried with each other because we're both so lost. He has a hard time controlling himself and listening to direction, and I have a hard time keeping my shit together all the time, when he's constantly acting out. Helpless is a horrible feeling!
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Hunter: A Kindergarten Update
We're now two full weeks into Kindergarten. That's it two weeks. Do I really need to say what all has happened in that two weeks? Seriously it's only been two weeks.
Let's see...Hunter thinks he's one of the big kids now. He's a big kid in our house, but he still has a lot to learn. With that said, he doesn't like when I walk him to the bus in the morning. He's already embarrassed by me I guess. As I explained to him, once you can show me that you can get yourself to the bus stop (at the end of the street) by walking on the side walk and looking both ways when you cross the road, you can walk by yourself. When you can stand by the stop sign or in front of and not on the edge of the road, you can walk by yourself. When you can stop throwing rocks and running around in the street, you can walk by yourself. In the meantime, I'll be walking (a distance behind you) to the bus stop. Am I being over-protective? No, he's a kindergartner! Plus, I'm secretly hoping that one of these days, he'll actually turn around and say good-bye to me. OR at least wave. He's breaking my heart and he doesn't even know it!
We are also working on getting off the bus. Well, the bus in general. We've picked up quite a few things from the bus. For example, after his first day riding the bus, he came home and put his hand up in front of my face and asked some bogus question like, "Do you know what this does?" And before I could come up with a bogus answer, he stuffed it in my face. With a little more force it would have seriously hurt. He bust up laughing and told me he learned it on the bus. Apparently someone did it to him and it was "hilarious." Ha. Ha. Ha. He also had a nice talking to, along with another kid, about spitting on the bus. I know this because I started having a mini-panic attack when he didn't get off the bus. Just before I my mind went else-where, the bus driver whipped her window open and let me know he was coming. Thank goodness, but grrr!
I am happy to report that he has made a few friends on the bus, though he can't remember their names. Yeah buddy! But like I said earlier, we're working on getting of the bus too. By that I mean going home after school instead of following the neighbor kids around like a puppy dog. Seriously, just about every day I have to reroute him to our house instead of someone else's.
Then there's the "incident" we had a school. On the third day of school. The third day. I didn't find out until the next afternoon when I emailed his teacher to let her know he was going to be gone on Firday. I was blindsided with her response of, in shortened form, a) call the school and update your contact info because we couldn't get a hold of you yesterday. b) He's a delight to have in class, loves sitting by me, and is very helpful, but c) he poked a kid in the face with scissors and made him bleed. Didn't you get the note I sent home yesterday? Gah! No! I didn't get a note! It was pinned to his shirt but he "took it off on the bus and made an airplane (probably resembling a paper ball) out of it." He had been sent to the office for the remainder of the day, about 15 minutes, had to stay in for the next morning's recess, and lost his scissors for a week. I think losing his scissor privileges was really hard on him. What do you do when everyone else is using scissors? *Long exhale* "I just have to tear it...."
This little incident has been tearing me up for a good week now. How could my child do something like that? Maybe the better question is why? He claims he just wanted the other kid to know how it felt. I guess he was curious, but I still feel terrible about it. I hope it's just an "adjusting to kindergarten" phase he's going through!
In other news though, he basically asked to go to bed tonight at 6pm because he was so tired. He wanted me to know that after school tomorrow, he just wants to come home and take a nap. He's finally exhausted! This never happens! Ever! I had to carry him to the bus yesterday morning because he was too tired to walk. I would have held him all day if he let me. I NEVER get snuggles like that with my kids anymore! When he got home - he actually walked half way back to the house with me - he asked, "Is it okay that I fell asleep on the bus? I was just so comfortable with my head on my backpack." So it wasn't a big surprise today when he wanted to go to bed.
Overall though, he's definitely enjoying school and is slowly but surely remember people's names. He knows the librarian's name and his music teacher's. And he apologized to the boy he poked in the face and they are friends now. Not how I would go about making friends, but that's just me...
Let's see...Hunter thinks he's one of the big kids now. He's a big kid in our house, but he still has a lot to learn. With that said, he doesn't like when I walk him to the bus in the morning. He's already embarrassed by me I guess. As I explained to him, once you can show me that you can get yourself to the bus stop (at the end of the street) by walking on the side walk and looking both ways when you cross the road, you can walk by yourself. When you can stand by the stop sign or in front of and not on the edge of the road, you can walk by yourself. When you can stop throwing rocks and running around in the street, you can walk by yourself. In the meantime, I'll be walking (a distance behind you) to the bus stop. Am I being over-protective? No, he's a kindergartner! Plus, I'm secretly hoping that one of these days, he'll actually turn around and say good-bye to me. OR at least wave. He's breaking my heart and he doesn't even know it!
We are also working on getting off the bus. Well, the bus in general. We've picked up quite a few things from the bus. For example, after his first day riding the bus, he came home and put his hand up in front of my face and asked some bogus question like, "Do you know what this does?" And before I could come up with a bogus answer, he stuffed it in my face. With a little more force it would have seriously hurt. He bust up laughing and told me he learned it on the bus. Apparently someone did it to him and it was "hilarious." Ha. Ha. Ha. He also had a nice talking to, along with another kid, about spitting on the bus. I know this because I started having a mini-panic attack when he didn't get off the bus. Just before I my mind went else-where, the bus driver whipped her window open and let me know he was coming. Thank goodness, but grrr!
I am happy to report that he has made a few friends on the bus, though he can't remember their names. Yeah buddy! But like I said earlier, we're working on getting of the bus too. By that I mean going home after school instead of following the neighbor kids around like a puppy dog. Seriously, just about every day I have to reroute him to our house instead of someone else's.
Then there's the "incident" we had a school. On the third day of school. The third day. I didn't find out until the next afternoon when I emailed his teacher to let her know he was going to be gone on Firday. I was blindsided with her response of, in shortened form, a) call the school and update your contact info because we couldn't get a hold of you yesterday. b) He's a delight to have in class, loves sitting by me, and is very helpful, but c) he poked a kid in the face with scissors and made him bleed. Didn't you get the note I sent home yesterday? Gah! No! I didn't get a note! It was pinned to his shirt but he "took it off on the bus and made an airplane (probably resembling a paper ball) out of it." He had been sent to the office for the remainder of the day, about 15 minutes, had to stay in for the next morning's recess, and lost his scissors for a week. I think losing his scissor privileges was really hard on him. What do you do when everyone else is using scissors? *Long exhale* "I just have to tear it...."
This little incident has been tearing me up for a good week now. How could my child do something like that? Maybe the better question is why? He claims he just wanted the other kid to know how it felt. I guess he was curious, but I still feel terrible about it. I hope it's just an "adjusting to kindergarten" phase he's going through!
In other news though, he basically asked to go to bed tonight at 6pm because he was so tired. He wanted me to know that after school tomorrow, he just wants to come home and take a nap. He's finally exhausted! This never happens! Ever! I had to carry him to the bus yesterday morning because he was too tired to walk. I would have held him all day if he let me. I NEVER get snuggles like that with my kids anymore! When he got home - he actually walked half way back to the house with me - he asked, "Is it okay that I fell asleep on the bus? I was just so comfortable with my head on my backpack." So it wasn't a big surprise today when he wanted to go to bed.
Overall though, he's definitely enjoying school and is slowly but surely remember people's names. He knows the librarian's name and his music teacher's. And he apologized to the boy he poked in the face and they are friends now. Not how I would go about making friends, but that's just me...
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Hunter's First Week of Kindergarten is Done
We're done with our first week of school. Hunter had a half day with me on Wednesday, an early our on Thursday and a full day on Friday. As I said in Hunter's kindergarten post, he left for school on Thursday morning via the bus, and was so focused on getting on the bus that he didn't say good-bye or at least look back and wave. I was a little heartbroken! But that was nothing compared to after school.
JP came with me to pick Hunter up at the bus stop after school. We walked across the street so I could get a couple pictures of him getting off the bus. (I was going to get some of him getting on the bus in the morning, but I was busy talking with my neighbor that I opted to not cut our conversation short. Plus I had Charlotte with me.) As soon as he got off the bus, he took off down the road towards home with a neighbor boy. He was very anxious to play with him, but his friend had to go home and ask him mom if he could play first, and I made sure Hunter came home to tell me about his day and to at least drop his backpack off. I didn't get much out of him as, "I have to be outside and ready to play when Devin comes out!"
But Devin never came out to play. I offered up reasons to Hunter as to why he probably couldn't play, but Hunter insisted on waiting in their driveway longer. In perfect timing, two other neighbor girls, who are the same age, came out of one house and ran to the others house. Hunter asked them if he could play, but was turned down. Shortly after, another girl and her younger brother, who is JP's age, were just getting home, and they couldn't play either. I felt terrible for him!! All he wanted to do was play with someone and no one could or wanted to play with him.
We went inside as a meltdown was happening since Devin still wasn't coming out to play. We sat on his bed together and he cried and cried. I can't tell you how many times he said, "I just want to play with Devin." My heart hurt for him. I asked him about school again and if he met anyone. He didn't. I asked him who he sat with on the bus going to school. "Nobody." How about on the way home? "I had to sit with myself cuz nobody wanted to sit with me." I believe it was at that point that we both were crying. I could completely relate to how he was feeling. Rejected and friendless. He cried for quite a while and it just broke my heart!
Other than after school, I got the feeling that he did enjoy school though. I thought they had PE on Thursdays, so I asked him if he got to go to the gym and play. "No." Why not? "I didn't behave good enough to go." Oh...What happened? "I was playing with some of Ms. Lubke's stuff." And she asked you not to? "Yeah..." Turns out they didn't even have PE, because PE is on Fridays so I'm not sure what happened there but he reassured me that, "I only got in trouble two times. Just two times." Oh good! He mentioned that they painted though - that I can believe!
Friday morning, Aunt Bobby and a friend of hers walked Hunter down to the bus and again I didn't get a good-bye wave or something similar. And Nanny and Papa were waiting at the bus stop when he got home. He got off the bus and ran straight to Charli, as she was waving frantically from her stroller saying "hi" but ignored the rest of us and walked home holding his neighbors hand.
At bed time, he expressed how much he wasn't liking kindergarten. It's not what he was expecting. I think once he's gets to know the others in his class and what's expected of him, he'll come around. He was sure to note that he didn't get in trouble at all either!
Thursday, August 28, 2014
I Officially Have a KINDERGARTNER!!
I've been in denial for quite awhile about Hunter being in Kindergarten this year. In fact, he's at school now, and even though JP and B are still home, I feel....empty? I don't know if that's the right word, but I feel like something is missing. Yet, at the same time, I feel calm, which is a HUGE 360 from yesterday.
Yesterday was his first day of school, but for Kindergartners, parents come with on the first day to help ease them into school. Both of us were SO excited while we counted the days down for the last two weeks!
We had a great morning, better than I expected it to go! I went down to wake him up and just as I was walking into his room, he was coming out, fully dressed. Yessss!! We didn't have to fight about breakfast either. YESSS!!! We had plenty of time for pictures too!
When Aunt Kim came over to watch JP and Kiki, she even snapped a few of me with my big kid! And then off to school we went, and that's when things started going downhill... He wanted to sit in JP's carseat, and was mad he couldn't get it buckled...We had to park around the block and he "didn't want to walk that far!!"... "I don't want to line up, I want to play!" When we finally did line up, "MOM! Walk FASTER!" Hunter, there are people in front of us, we need to use our patience... It was one thing after another. I was frustrated to the max with him by the end of the morning. At one point I wanted to leave and just cry.
I know he was nervous. He didn't want to let go of my hand for a second, which was super frustrating. He couldn't sit on the carpet for a story without me. When I gave in, he refused to just sit there; instead he HAD to lay on me and wave his pipecleaners around. Please stop, you're poking the kid in front of you. "No! These are my swords!" Gahh! After the story, the kids followed their teacher around the room in a line singing songs. Not Hunter. "I don't WANT to do that!" I was surprised that he willingly let go of me and went to the library with his 'mates. (I'll assume he did just fine there.) Upon his arrival back to class, he put up a stink about making a craft, which really surprised me because he loves to craft and glue stuff together. We he finally decided he would make it, he picked out the glue he wanted to use and began, but threw a fit a few minutes later because he wanted to use the girl next to us's glue. And then he just got up and left to go play bean bags. Why is my kid the only one in the class acting like this?! After the craft was done, they had another story, and he willingly let go and sat down in the front row (and flipped threw her folders the whole story).
Maybe I put too much pressure on his first day going smoothly. Maybe my expectations of him were too high. Usually when it's just Hunter and mom, he is a great kid. He listens, he's respectful, he's fun to be around. It's when he's with his brother that he starts acting out. I was a little taken back by how his morning at school went. It kind of goes with out say that his attitude carried on throughout the rest of day too. I was beyond frustrated with him. I wanted his first day of school to be a memory I wanted to remember. Now I'm just hopeful the rest of the year goes 100% better.
This morning went much better too! Hunter's school qualifies for a special program allowing all the students, low income or not, to receive free breakfast and lunches. He decided this morning that he wanted to try out the school breakfast so all he had to do was get dressed, brush his teeth and grab his backpack. He was still up WAY too early, but I'm okay with that. He was very anxious to get out the door when he saw he saw his neighborhood friends walking to the bus. JP decided to stay home, but Charlotte and I took him to the bus stop at the end of the road. He was SO excited to push B in the stroller that he forgot about walking with his friends.
There was probably about 12 kids at our bus stop. While he waited he played with the other kids, and as soon as the bus came, he got in line and hopped on.
He didn't say good-bye or even throw me a wave! I'm pretty sad about that! But good grief is my house quiet now!